Spiritual And Irritable - A Life Coaching Blog

Next Stop - Online Dating

2011-12-28T13:44:00.000+11:00

Regular readers of my blog will know that I am about to set out on a 2 week journey around Australia on a search for love while also raising funds for the Cancer Council. http://goingthedistance.com.au/

As part of this fabulous journey, I need to contact single men in various states in Australia, to see if they are up for a date with little old me. Now, I have to be honest, my history with internet dating has not been good and I decided several months ago to totally give it up - believing it was a rather torturous way to meet ' Mr Right' (or even Mr Right now). However, due to taking part in this documentary, I had to re-open my online dating profile and give it another go.

About a week ago, I took the plunge and contacted ( or cyber kissed) 5 guys in various different states that we plan to visit.   Going on my previous lack of success, I wasn't that surprised when 4 of the guys declined to receive further contact from me.   OK I thought, I can push ahead with this, they don't know me and maybe it is just a numbers game???  So I put on my thick skinned mask and decided to give it another couple of days before I tried again.

Last night, on discussing the lack of response and mounting number of rejections I was receiving, a male friend of mine took control, re-vamped my profile and, over a bottle of wine and a pizza, we decided to throw another hook into the online dating pool.    This time, I decided to form a more direct approach, sending a few emails to selected chaps rather than just an initial cyber kiss. I actually felt quite inspired and excited last night as maybe, just maybe an update of my profile was all that was required to improve my overall response success rate.

This morning, I eagerly switched on my laptop, excited to see what responses I had received.   Hurrah I thought, this time it just may be different and I will have heaps of dates lined up for me around Australia. Maybe today will be the day that I can throw out my 'loser in love' name tag?

Alas, the news wasn't good as the majority of my responses again, were a polite but outstanding NO.

Being the good little life coach that I am, I started to justify the reasons for this in my mind. The top 3 justifications are as follows:

1) The universe has something better in mind for me and my Mr Right is not to be found on an online dating site.
2) The rejections are simply because they are not the right person for me.
3) I have two heads, fish scales all over my body and an obvious fatal flaw which nobody has bothered to point out to me for 41 years.

Number 3 has always been an interesting one for me and this set me on a snow ball of negative thoughts such as 'Am I so ugly that nobody even wants to chat to me' or ' I told you so, you are not good enough to meet a nice guy' or my old favourite ' Love is for other people and not you'

If that wasn't bad enough, I started to imagine all the other wonderful girls on the trip being inundated with dates and myself spending nights in on my own listening to ' All by myself' while pretending It didn't really bother me.

The fact it, it does bother me. In my 20's and 30's I seemed to have no issue in finding a date. Granted, my ex husband obviously preferred the company of my next door neighbour to myself but even a divorce didn't really knock my confidence....or maybe somewhere unconsciously it did?   Maybe my lack of success in relationships was down to being in a 5 year abusive relationship where I was informed daily that I was unlovable or that nobody in their right mind would be interested in me? Or maybe, just maybe, dating in Sydney is just really really hard?

Despite feeling a little sad today, I do know one thing. I will not allow my relationships of the past effect my future relationships.   Whatever the reason for my lack of online dating success , it is crazy to blame anyone else for it.
I have done heaps of work on myself in the past, learning to love myself again and also putting good boundaries in place. I now refuse to let any mouldy old history or negative belief pattern stand in my way.

So today I declare 2012 to be my year for love. Yes, I know I will need to keep a check on my negative beliefs about myself and will need to encourage myself to keep trying. But deep down, I also hope that the universe has somebody really special lined up for me.

If you would like to follow my journey to love on the 'Going the Distance' documentary, please do so on our facebook page http://www.facebook.com/#!/goingthedistancedoco
or the website link above.

Lisa xx

I'm going the distance

2011-12-16T18:34:00.000+11:00

I could burst. No, not because I have been eating too much chocolate cake - I could actually burst from excitement. I have some exciting news to share - I am going to be going on a 2 week road trip around Australia, with 4 other fabulous single women from Sydney, to try and find love! Hurrah, Yipeee!

Let me start at the beginning ( because it's a very good place to start).
Over a month ago, I was walking down William Street in Sydney, past the numerous backpacker / camper van places when I got rather annoyed with the universe.   You see, I had wanted to travel around Australia for a few years, but could never find anyone who wanted to go on this journey with me. I had pleaded with friends but most just laughed saying they wouldn't touch a road trip with a barge pole.  So, I decided to get a big angry with the angels and demanded that once and for all, they did something not just about my lack of love life but also about my lack of travelling companions.   In fact, I didn't just get angry, I demanded that they did something about it as I was OVER IT.

Anyway, 4 weeks later, I am sitting at Melbourne airport waiting for a flight back to Sydney. My Qantas flight had been delayed ( nothing new there) so in order to waste some time, I ate numerous chocolate bars, did some people watching and finally got round to checking my emails. Now there, in my inbox was a call out from a production company looking for single chicks from Sydney to take part in a TV show around Australia, meeting single men, travelling around Oz and also raising money for a great Charity.   The objective of the show was to find out if men around Australia, were all the same or was the dire dating situation in Sydney just down to the commitment phobic pretentious Sydney Siders themselves. ( oh please don't send me nasty comments, I am just being honest!)

After sending in my application and a short video - imagine my excitement when I was down to the final 7 contestants!!!!!!!!! Seriously, I nearly peed my pants with excitement! ( I am 41 - the odd leakage is normal)    The show only required 5 lovely ladies so the next step was to meet the production company, the other contestants and also be filmed on my reasons for wanting to take part.    It was a wonderful wonderful evening and you can see my video here :http://www.youtube.com/user/GoingTheDistanceDoco?feature=watch

Two days later, I am doing some last minute Chrimbo shopping around Kmart when the news came in! I was in the final 5!!!! To be honest, I can't remember much about my shopping trip that day apart from running around Kmart waving my hands around trying to get the attention of my friends in order to share the good news.

Since being accepted, I have had the production crew over to film me at home and we begin our wonderful trip on January 15 - bring it on !!!!

The Production Company who are making the ' Going the Distance' documentry is owned by the lovely Laticia who decided to raise funds for the Cancer Council after losing two young close family members.

While we are on the road, I will also be blogging and doing a video diary regulary so if you would like to know more, please either check out the FB page at http://www.facebook.com/#!/goingthedistancedoco or the website at http://goingthedistance.com.au/

As money raised with also go to the Cancer Council - please feel free to make a donation.

So please wish me luck and join me on this fabulous journey!

ps - Thanks angels and universe xx

http://goingthedistance.com.au/

Are You Taking Care of Yourself?

2011-12-07T13:43:00.000+11:00

One of the easiest ways to really take care of yourself is to become very careful and discriminative on how you choose to spend your time and energy. People's diaries are often full of things they feel they 'should' do rather than being filled of caring and self loving appointments

When we fail to spend time on taking care of ourselves and our own wellbeing, we can become exhausted, resentful and the result is that we fail to pay attention to the things which really deserve our attention.

For example, when I first started my coaching business, I used to make myself available for my clients late in the evenings or at weekends. However, I soon realised that this was taking its toll on me and draining my energy. On several occasions, I also felt resentful of my clients for eating into my personal time. Now, I turn off my phone when I need to relax and let my clients know I don't work weekends. In doing this, I protected my own emotional health.

YOUR ACTION STEPS.

Take time to think about the things you would like to stop doing in order to protect your precious energy. Maybe you are fed up of cooking and washing up every day and would like another family member to help you. Maybe you would like to enjoy a day to yourself rather than visiting friends. Perhaps you don't want to keep offering your friends advice when it is your downtime.

The next step is to complete your I am taking care of myself list. This will serve as a reminder of what actions you no longer take as they drain you of your energy or time. Here is my list:

•I no longer compromise my needs in order to keep someone else happy

•I no longer say Yes, when I really mean no

•I no longer fill my diary that I find it exhausting and I don't have adequate time for breaks / food

•I no longer keep quiet if someone oversteps my bounderies

•I do not take phone calls if I am taking time out

•I don't go to work when I am sick

•I don't invest time in relationships that are not aligned with who I am

•I don't keep checking my emails all evening

•I don't get caught up in other peoples dramas.

Now take time to write your own list!

Is this TV presenter going to be coming to your house?

2011-12-07T12:17:00.000+11:00

Empowering women to light that spark inside and give them the support they
need to become ever more dazzling and gorgeous is best-selling author and TV
presenter Dawn Breslin’s passion.

In just a few days she’s offering a brilliant opportunity for women who are ready
to light their spark and have their inner beauty shine even brighter.

Dawn’s an inspirational character who launched her career and became
successful after suffering with depression. Her story is a real “inspirational
turn-around” and I’m thrilled she’s given me all the details of her on-line
seminar, so I can share them with you.

Join Dawn from the comfort of your home by logging in on your PC or by
calling in by phone. That means you can cosy up by the fire, grab your favourite
drink and join her from your favourite armchair.

To join Dawn, just click the link below and she will explain the rest in a short video.

http://www.totalbusinesssystem.com/app/?af=1413627

Regards

Lisa

ps - If you missed my fabulous interview with Dawn Breslin last week, check it out here http://www.blogtalkradio.com/show3.aspx?userurl=thedifference&year=2011&month=12&day=03&url=the-spiritual-and-irritable-show-with-dawn-breslin-1

Are You feeling a little Resentful?

2011-12-05T19:33:00.001+11:00

Well are you? Here are a few examples....

•Feeling anger or bitterness against a person or group of people whom you feel have treated you badly

•Unresolved anger or bitterness over a negative event which may have happened to you in your childhood

•Unresolved anger over a past event

•Lack of forgiving and the inability to let go and forget

•A grudge against a person or organization which you feel has mistreated you in some way

The main issue with resentment is if left to fester, it can leave you in a constant state of unbalance, irritability and can leave you feeling depressed or despondent. You can become annoyed when you even think about the person or situation and after a while, start to feel hostile, cynical or take a sarcastic attitude towards them.

However, although you feel all these negative emotions, the resentment does not have any effect on the person being resented! They don't know you are feeling resentful and it really does not have any effect on their emotional wellbeing - except for the deterioration of the relationship!

So think about it, who is resentment really hurting? Who is really getting upset and feeling bad? YOU! An additional issue is that when you feel resentful, you are literally attached to this person by your thoughts - think about it, do you really want to take this person or situation with you everywhere you go? The truth is, most people don't even care if you are hurt and angry!

We hold on to our resentment only when we are still trying to prove that we are right, and someone else is wrong. Resentment can also become an excuse for not taking control of our own lives and we can use our resentment to poke the finger of blame at others for why we are not living the life we want to live.

No matter what your reason for holding onto resentment, if you want to move on, then you need to let go. You need to decide to do this for yourself - not to allow that 'thing' you are holding onto to effect you anymore. A great question I was once asked when discussing resentment was ' Why are you allowing this person to make you feel like that'. Think about it. Holding on to our resentment does not do us any good and we are literally giving that person or situation the power to make us feel bad.

A key point to remember is that we don't have to agree with what happened, but we do need to choose to let it go because it is having a negative effect on our life.

Tips for letting go of Bitter Resentment

•1) Write the person / situation a letter. Get angry with your words and write down how you really feel and how much it hurt you. When you are finished, burn the letter and let it go.

•2) Play some really loud music and beat your bed with your pillows. Do this at least 3 times a week. This will help clear out the stored up anger in your body

•3) Visualise a picture in your mind of the person you are resentful against and have a conversation with them. Tell them how you feel. Also, wait for their answer!

•4) If possible, have a conversation with the person you feel resentful towards. Yes, often a brave move but this may help clear things up. In this situation, you have also taken your power back. Tell them how you feel

•5) Try putting yourself in the other persons shoes. Why do you think they behaved like that?

•6) Learn to forgive. Ultimately, forgiveness is the key for dealing with resentment and bitterness. Remember, just because you forgive, it doesn't mean you agree with the other person’s actions. It merely means that you are not willing to be tied to this person anymore.

•7) Try these affirmations:

•By releasing the past, I set myself free

•I now choose to release all bitterness and resentment from my body

•Forgiveness has given me back my freedom

5 Practical Steps to Boost Self Esteem

2011-12-05T18:30:00.000+11:00

5 Practical Tips to Boost Self Esteem

1) Every morning, look in the mirror and affirm ' I am willing to learn to love myself'. You can do this when you are cleaning your teeth.

2) Buy yourself a journal and write down at least 20 achievements you have completed in your life. Remember, these don't have to be huge things, just things you are proud of yourself for completing! Take a few minutes to read your list every day and add to it if you choose.

3) When you are in the shower / bath, spend 2 minutes praising yourself each day.

4) Affirm - My self esteem is growing every day. Do this while you are waiting for a bus / lift or doing the dishes / washing.

5) Write a list of 50 things which make you happy and do at least one a day. Again, this could be something simple such as having coffee with a friend, or a nice hot bath.

These are just a few of quick tips you can start to use NOW! Remember, every small step you take will build up so what are you waiting for! You deserve this time to make yourself feel good..

Are you Scared to Change?

2011-12-04T12:29:00.000+11:00

When I meet my clients for the first time, the majority of people actually know deep down what they SHOULD be doing, but they are not moving forward due to fear of what COULD happen. We often fear the worst if we change a habit or behavour fearing that other people won't like it or that we won't be able to handle the outcome. In addition, I often hear people say that they tried to do something different, but then were over come with guilt or a feeling of uncomfortable so they reverted back to the old behaviour again as it just felt easier!

When we change a behaviour, it is going to feel uncomfortable. This is not because it is wrong to do it, it is simply down to the fact that whenever we try something new, then it is always going to feel different or uncomfortable. Many of us build up the courage to do something different and then give up the moment it starts to feel uncomfortable. So what is this feeling - it is only fear! My advice would be to not fear feeling uncomfortable because it means things are changing for the better and you are releasing old patterns and negative behaviour. It is so normal to feel fear when things are different but don't back down at the last minute because you are unwilling to sit with that uncomfortable feeling for a while. Sit with it and praise yourself for doing something new!

For example - One of my clients had a friend in her life who was always asking her for money and despite promises, never paid it back in full. My client continued to lend her friend money as she didn't want to hurt her by saying NO. After a coaching session with me, I explained that by accepting this behaviour, she was disrespecting herself and her hard earned cash. So, the next time her friend requested to borrow some cash, my client stood her ground and refused her request. She felt good about it for a few hours, and then started to feel uncomfortable as this was a new behaviour for her! She started to worry that her friend wouoldn't speak to her anymore or that she was a bad friend. Due to this, she then called her friend up, offering to lend her even more money than she had requested!

So can you see how the uncomfortable feelings led her to back down and go back to the old behaviour with the result that my client later just felt angry with herself and resentful towards her friend?

So, I ask you to enjoy feeling uncomfortable, praise yourself for changing a habit and learn to sit with those uncomfortable for as long as it takes. Celebrate your new behaviour and your willingness to change!

Follow me on Facebook for free goodies and success tips!

Click here to follow me on Facebook WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE?
http://www.facebook.com/AmazingCoaching?ref=ts#!/AmazingCoaching

Are you Kind to Yourself?

2011-12-04T12:23:00.000+11:00

Are you kind to yourself?

Are you friendly towards yourself and treat yourself like your own best friend? I doubt it!

Often we have more patience and kindness towards strangers that we do to ourselves.

For most of us, we do not even realise when we chastise ourself, think horrid things about our looks, achievements or body and spend our days unfavourably comparing ourself to others. Beating yourself up has just become a regular bad habit!

Many of us are so used to treating ourselves this way that we don't know any different. We rarely praise ourselves for our achievements or speak lovingly to ourselves on a daily basis. We spend wasted time telling ourselves how we are not good enough or how we wish we could do things differently.

Get honest with yourself, do you treat your friends better than you treat yourself? When is the last time you spoke encouraging to yourself or soothed yourself when you were upset or sad? When is the last time you took some time out to relax or have a massage ?

Remember, life is a mirror so if you start to learn to love and praise yourself, you will receive more of this in your outside world. Begin with learning how to be gentle with yourself. You deserve kind treatment simply because you are special. Don't rely on other people to comfort you, learn to comfort yourself. Learning to treat yourself with love and respect is the highest gift you can give yourself.

ACTION STEPS:

' Affirm I will willing to learn to love myself'

Every morning, promise YOURSELF that you will treat yourself with patience and kindness

Each evening, write down ten nice things about yourself.

If you want to know more about how to LOVE YOURSELF, Check out the chapter in my new book - it is filled with fabulous action steps you can take NOW!

The Humblebrag v's the Bragger

2011-12-01T19:36:00.001+11:00

I had to write an article this week for a Sunday tabloid on the topic of The Humblebrag.

Do be honest, I didn’t have a scooby doo (clue) what it was so had to do quite a bit of research before starting my article.

According to the Independent Newspaper (UK) being a humblebrag is basically the art of boasting about one’s achievements through social media outlets but making sure you appear humble at the same time.

For example,

‘ Hurrah, I got a huge pay rise today – but not sure if I am worth it’

‘Wow, I can't believe a national newspaper asked little old me to write a big story for it!'

"I can't believe it's three years since I graduated from Harvard"

Now, this got me thinking – why do we always feel the need to play down our achievements or feel guilty in bragging just a little? Personally, I am not ashamed to admit that I am one of life’s braggers. I love a little brag across my face book pages and don’t give two hoots if anyone thinks I am blowing my own trumpet. To be honest, it gives me heaps of pleasure to share a few exciting achievements with the world – and yes, I do hope that some of my arch enemies or ex boyfriends may just stumble upon them.

I am known for shouting ‘ Lisa, you are absolutely amazing’ across the office after achieving something wonderful or standing in the mirror praising myself in my head several times a day. However, I am rather fortunate to have a great group of people around me that find it rather amusing and choose to share the delights of my accomplishments. They are happy for me!

So, why as humans, do we often find the show off so stomach churning? Why don’t we find it acceptable for people to be proud of what they are achieving in life? Is it because we are jealous or maybe, is it because deep down we know we could do more with our lives so we feel resentful? Why do we end up putting other people down just because they have taken steps and achieved something great?

One of my favourite quotations from Marianne Williamson is as follows:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of a Course in Miracles

So are we really afraid of our own light? Get honest with yourself - are you happy to play down your accomplishments in fear of judgement from other people or do you feel you have to ‘ keep yourself small’ in order not to upset your friends and family?

What if…..you praising yourself allowed other people to realise that they can do amazing things as well? What if you just allowed yourself to shine in the hope that other people will step up and shine with you?

So, why not try a little bit of self praise this week? Even if you don’t fancy shouting it from the roof tops, you could give yourself some self praise easily. Why not set yourself an action step to praise yourself at least 5 times today. Criticism breaks down our self esteem but praise builds it up.

In light of the above, please allow me shamelessly to boast about my radio achievements this week. So far, I have been so blessed to have the most amazing guests on my show including Beverly Engel and Sandy Forster. Beverly has been on Oprah! - and me, little old me got to interview her on the radio and it was truly amazing. Sorry, I just had to get the Oprah bit in. This weekend, I will be interviewing Dawn Breslin who is UK Life Coach who has shared the stage with some of the most influential people of our time such as Louise Hay, Debbie Ford, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Cheryl Richardson, and Doreen Virtue .

So why not join me in celebrating this and join me on my ‘Spiritual and Irritable’ radio show. You can listen to the archives at any time or listen live if you choose. Here is the link.

Also, if you want to keep up to date on the fabulous guests I have coming up ( Including Patricia Evans who has also been on Oprah!) make sure you join my radio show page at.http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Spiritual-and-Irritable/173285532765385

Thanks for letting me shamelessly share this with you

Lisa ‘ Spiritual and Irritable’
www.amazingcoaching.com.au

2011-11-22T19:08:00.003+11:00

Do you want to be RICH?

2011-11-20T14:22:00.000+11:00

Ok, what went through your mind when you read the title of this blog? Was it:

1) Fat bloody chance
2) Oh no, not another one of those ' get quick rich schemes'
3) Lisa's gone mad
4) That's for other people, not me.

Well, I have got news for you ( you of little faith) that IT CAN HAPPEN FOR YOU! ( OK, just suspend all your negative thoughts and beliefs for now)   I had the pleasure of interviewing Sandy Forster last week on my radio show and wow, she inspired me.   Sandy was just like you or i - she wasn't born with a silver spoon in her mouth nor was she born into a wealthy family. She actually lived on the breadline for years until she started working with the law of attraction in order to build more wealth into her life.   The good news is that she is now an International Speaker, Millionaire Mindset Mentor, Bestselling Author and Award Winning Business Owner.

Sandy has transformed her life from welfare to millionaire and is the author of 6 international bestselling books, including ‘How to Be Wildly Wealthy FAST’
So, make yourself a cup of tea, relax and treat yourself to a listen to my interview with Sandy. You won't regret it.   You can listen to the show http://www.blogtalkradio.com/thedifference/2011/11/20/the-spiritual-and-irritable-show-with-guest-sandy-forster

If that wasn't good enough, the lovely Sandy has also offered friends of 'Spiritual and Irritable' and ' Amazing Coaching' over $400 in FREE FABULOUS MONEY MAKING STUFF including affirmations and visualisations.    So, don't just sit around moaning that you are skint - take action now and down load this FREE STUFF. http://www.wildlywealthy.com/bonus

Now finally....if you are really interested in becoming WILDLY WEALTHY, I do recommend you treat yourself to Sandy's book.   It's actually a great easy read for anyone, even if they are not really into self development or spirituality.   It has heaps of fun and easy actions you can take which will increase your money making vibration and get you well on your way to becoming WILDLY WEALTHY!

You can purchase the book here http://www.amazingcoaching.com.au/specialoffers.html   ( Just look for number 6)

Go do it!

Lisa ( Spiritual and Irritable)

The Spiritual and Irritable Radio Show 11/13 by The Difference | Blog Talk Radio

2011-11-13T13:50:00.000+11:00

The Spiritual and Irritable Radio Show 11/13 by The Difference | Blog Talk Radio

Hi all, the 'Spiritual and Irritable' radio show today is all about negative thoughts! Follow the link above to learn about what they are and how we can learn to release them, change them and love them!

Spiritual and Irritable with Lisa Phillips 10/30 by The Difference | Blog Talk Radio

2011-10-30T13:54:00.000+11:00

Spiritual and Irritable with Lisa Phillips 10/30 by The Difference | Blog Talk Radio

This weeks ' Spiritual and Irritable ' show is about Positive Beliefs - Click on the link above to listen anytime!

Do you think it is ok?

2011-10-28T15:49:00.001+11:00

As well as being a super duper life coach, I also do some work in the Corporate World, primarily in the training and engagement arena.

For me, working in large corporate environments can be fun or bloody tragic - especially when I come across unhappy people, hating their jobs and quite often, suffering workplace bullying by their superiors or in some cases, their peers.

A recent study in the U.S showed that workplace bullying is now more common than sexual harassment, and over 37 million people in the workplace had been bullied at some time.

In my first role in Australia, I too suffered workplace bullying by a total knob of a man. I can laugh about this experience now but at the time, it is a different story. I felt undermined, confused and isolated. So what is bullying in the workplace?

Incivility: rudeness and discourteous verbal and non-verbal behaviors.
Bullying: persistently criticizing employees' work; yelling; repeatedly reminding employees of mistakes; spreading gossip ; ignoring or excluding workers; and insulting employees' habits, attitudes or private life.

Interpersonal conflict: behaviors of hostility, verbal aggression and angry exchanges.

So why, in the workplace does a bully get away with it? Are people so fearful for their jobs that they just stand by and let it happen to others? Are people allowing a workplace bully to walk all over them and take it because they have to pay the mortgage?

In a recent role in the Corporate world, I came across a situation where the bullying culprit was in fact, a very high up Director. Did anyone do anything about it? No. Even Middle management failed to stand up for their staff or intervene when the bullying appeared to make it's way down to their own direct reports.

I know I am on my high horse and many people have important reasons why they stay in unhappy job roles, but to allow this type of bullying to go on just saddens and disappoints me. When did it become ok to stand by and watch it happen to someone else without saying something? When did it become ok to stick our heads in the sand and pretend that it never happened? When did it become ok to make excuses for the bully in the hope that the complaint will 'go away'?

Personally, I applaud the whistleblower or the person who stands up to a workplace bully and says 'This isn't ok'. Surely we can't allow these behaviours to continue, nor can we allow ourselves to enable these poor behaviours by letting our own fears rule the show? As children I it is a hard situation to handle, but surely by adulthood, we’ve grown the ‘tackle’ to tackle this childish behaviour?
I know each of us has free will in whether we choose to stand up and complain, or whether we choose to suffer in silence, but please remember, sometimes we need to say NO - This behaviour is not acceptable and stand up for our own basic human rights as a human being, which includes being treated with respect and common courtesy.

Spiritual and Irritable with Lisa Phillips 10/16 by The Difference | Blog Talk Radio

2011-10-16T14:11:00.000+11:00

Spiritual and Irritable with Lisa Phillips 10/16 by The Difference Blog Talk Radio

Free Affirmations MP3

2011-10-15T15:51:00.000+11:00

Hello lovelies,
Despite the fact that I am full of the cold ( again!) I am feeling rather motivated today and decided to get cracking on some outstanding ' things to do' on my list. Don't get me wrong, I don't often have days like this ( and now plan to retire to the couch with a lemsip and DVD) but they occassionally do happen!

Anyway, I LOVE AFFIRMATIONS! I know, some people hate them, some people just don't believe they work and other people,like myself, strongly believe in the power of affimations and how they can really help you both release negative thoughts and emotions and also fill your brain with exciting new and scrummy thoughts which can really change your life.

So, today, I decided to have a go and recording some of my favourites onto an MP3 for you all to enjoy. Don't get me wrong, it is not perfect but hey, they are FREE! It's only a short audio but it is filled with some of my favourite affirmations for your emotional wellbeing. You can find this FREE DOWNLOAD at the top right hand side of my blog. Give it a go, you have nothing to lose! Try listening to it while you are relaxing or even when you are doing the ironing. Believe me, it is better than spending a few minutes bitching about someone in your life or filling your mind with ciritical thoughts about yourself!

Enjoy!

The Best 10 BUCKS you will ever spend!

2011-10-04T14:09:00.000+11:00

I promise I am not the sort of person to keep promoting, flogging products to you or inundating your inbox with all sorts of once in a lifetime or 'your life will change with this product deals' (oh sure I believe you) , but I am rather excited to share with you the FABULOUS SPECIAL OFFERS on my website.

I decided to add this page as during my Topsy turvy journey of a Life Coach, i have probably spent thousands of my hard earned cash on different self development courses, products and other random stuff which have all promised to change my life in some way shape or form for the better. Some are good, and some are really not so good at all!

So, rather than you searching for that elusive life changing product which will overnight magically change your life, I have decided to put together my favourite list of products - ALL OF WHICH RANGE FROM $10 to $50. Bargain eh!

Sometimes we do need a little support and I have found the products on my website to rock! Need extra confidence? -then check out the Hypnosis downloads, they are so cheap and cover heaps of confidence areas such as confidence at work, public speaking and even flirting! Just enter your keyword in the box and you will be surprised how many products are on offer.

I am also proud to offer the BEST BOOK IN THE WORLD ( apart from my own ha ha) - You Can Heal your Life by Louise Hay. If you don't have a copy - treat yourself. You will never regret it! I recommend all my clients and friends to buy this book - it's the best.

One of the biggest transformations in my life was the use of affirmations Cd's. I love them. I listen to them every day on my ipod when I walk to work and often have them playing softly in the background. Check out the Louise L Hay affirmations on my website - as you can see, I am a big fan of her work.

Finally - want to get Wildly Wealthy? Did you know that if you come form a place of 'lack' or are focusing on how much money you need, that you could be blocking your abundance? If so, check out the Wealth section on the FABULOUS SPECIAL OFFERS page. I love Sandy Forster's work - it is so simple to follow and her books share both practical and metaphysical ways to become a money magnet. There are also heaps of free stuff if you follow the above link.

Thank for listening and if you feel you need some support on your journey without spending a fortune, check out my product recommendations today!

Spiritual and Irritable with Lisa Phillips 10/02 by The Difference | Blog Talk Radio

2011-10-02T13:55:00.000+11:00

Spiritual and Irritable with Lisa Phillips 10/02 by The Difference | Blog Talk Radio

Toilets

2011-09-18T14:00:00.000+10:00

I have been travelling a fair bit recently and therefore, making lots of trips to public toilets, whether they be in a restaurant, pub, airport or shopping centre.

Now I do recognise that times are changing, but I am starting to feel slightly traumatised by the whole ' popping to the loo' experience.

The reason? - the multiple types of sinks / taps, dryers, soap dispensers which I have to work out how to bloody use on each occasion.

Gone are the days you simply just pressed the soap, turned on the tap and dried your paws under a dryer. Now, I have to work out without looking like a complete idiot, whether the taps switches on itself ( I try waving my hands under the tap in hope the water will appear), how to get the soap out of the dispenser without it dribbling all over the sink ( or in some cases, no sink at all, just a worktop thingy with a moat around it) or my more feared experience, does the bloody tap turn off itself when I have finished or do I just walk away looking like a non environmentally water waster?

Last weekend I visited a local pub only to find that not only do I have to decipher how to use the bloody thing in a female safe zone, that now it is apparently the norm for me to share my sacred space with men as only UNISEX toilets were available! Shudder!

Anyway, in order to avoid embarrassment going forward, I ask that all locations with ' complicated' toilets place a process and procedure manual outside so we can all read it while we are waiting in the queue to go. At least it will pass the time.

Poverty Thinking

2011-09-07T16:24:00.000+10:00

I am working on increasing my abundance this month so decided to pick up a book to support me on my quest. When I chose the book in question, my lovely sister offered to treat me to it so Brilliant I thought - It is working already!

I was on holiday at the time, in the UK, so had plenty of time to relax and take in all the chapters of this thought provoking book. The book was based on using the laws of attraction to increase wealth and abundance in all areas of your life. It also included lots of thought provoking ideas as to what blockages may be holding us back from receiving the abundance we deserve.

A few days later, I caught up with several of my best friends in life as we were celebrating a wedding and also grabbing a rare opportunity to all get together for a night out. Living here in Australia, I do miss my friends of many years and always looking fwd to catching up over a few glasses of wine and a bite to eat.

As we stood at the bar, deciding what to drink, I thought it would be a nice idea to treat us all to a rather nice bottle of champagne. The exchange rate between the AUD and the British Pound is working in my favour at the moment so it was a great opportunity to splash some cash and treat the special people in my life to a rather nice bottle of bubbles.

What was surprising however, was the reaction to people around me when I sat down to enjoy my first sip.   First of all I received blank stares, a few others started nudging each other and then, finally, I received all sorts of accusations as to being ' flash' ' a show off' or ' made of money'!   I ignored the comments at first but as the night continued, and we 'fell' into our second bottle, I did get bloody annoyed, especially when I was accused of ' losing my roots' or others seemed proud to tell me that they didn't drink champagne in area of town!

Thankfully, I am able to look at incidents like this and look to see where they are a mirror of what I am thinking and why this was irritating me so much. I realised that somewhere I too was holding these restricting beliefs of lack or poverty thinking.    I am working on it but as yet, am still uncomfortable expecting the universe to take care of my financial needs and still feel the need to work excessive long hours so that I feel I deserve my income.   It was a great light bulb moment for me and it really showed me where I needed to focus on inside. I realised that I can often feel awkward around people with money or feel the need to justify in some way why I am not like that!

So ask yourself this week - are your thoughts of abundance keeping you stuck? Do you somehow think that it is bad to have money or that the fact that you are struggling for cash make you a better person?    I would love to hear your thoughts!

Are you living in an abusive relationship? My story...sample chapter from my new book.

2011-08-06T14:16:00.000+10:00

Did you know......1 in 5 women in Australia are abused in an intimate relationship at some point in their adult life. In addition, 1 in 5 women also experience some kind of sexual violence/assault (ABS, 2006).

In my opinion, abuse, whether it is found in an intimate relationship, family or workplace environment rips out your soul and beats the living day lights out of your heart.

While I shackled myself in my toxic relationship, I kissed goodbye to my sparkle, my self respect and most of all, my self esteem. Through shame, I lied to my friends and family, and I lied to myself. My identity departed down the plughole and yet, the very last thing I wanted to do was come clean that I was taking abuse from the very person I was in love with. Emotionally, I was a downright wreck.

Looking back, I am still bewildered to recall how sneakily the abuse seized hold of me. Prior to meeting 'Rob', I was a relatively sane 30 something who, I recall, smiled and giggled a lot. My life seemed to ticking along rather nicely and the biggest drama I had to cope with was deciding what frozen ready meal to put in the microwave. Ok, I hadn’t had a sniff of romantic encounter for a while but I managed to prevent any cobwebs appearing from partaking in a few mindless flings and dare I say it, the odd one night stand. Career wise, I was also on track to fulfil my dream of becoming a successful Life Coach, inspiring people to achieve their life long goals and live happily ever lives.
Then, one momentous day, along came my very own personal abuser who sucked the life out of me and swept me away into an existence stuffed with heartache, tears and craziness. He just sort of appeared from nowhere and turned my life around in an instant. – But oh no, not in a nice way like a winning lottery ticket.

Twelve months in, I was a nervous wreck teetering on eggshells prone to random eruptions of anxiety and anger. My friends thought I was mad and I thought I was crazy. It was my unshakeable belief that I was publically worthless and ugly - oh, and I also felt convinced that nobody, apart from Rob, would ever even consider having the hots for me. To put it in a nutshell, I believed I was fatally flawed and a full blown relationship reject.

In the space of a twelve hour day, I estimate that I squandered 6 hours formulating cunning new game plans to gain 'Rob’s' love and approval, 5 hours trying to configure my own behaviour in order to prevent me from inadvertently doing something to agitate him and maximum 60 minutes trying to convince myself that I would be better off legging it out of this relationship – pronto!

Did You Know………….That a women in an abusive relationship normally leaves her partner an average of 5 times before ending the relationship for good?

Oh, apologies, I forgot to mention that I tried every trick in the book to get 'Rob' to spot the error of his ways and treat me like a normal human being. Needless to say, after what was probably thousands of imaginative attempts, it didn’t work – but hey, I kept clinging onto the dream that maybe just maybe, I may uncover the illusive magic potion to transform him from a crusty toad into my handsome prince.

Thankfully, one afternoon, a fairy godmother friend shrewdly spotted that I was about to curl up in yet another ball of depression, waved her magic wand, and dragged me out for a dose of girlfriend therapy. It was on this day, that I met Sarah, whose words, unbeknown to her, totally blew me away! Sarah had been announcing to the group that she had decided to end her relationship with her long term partner, John. Desperate to hear more, I asked her to fill me in on the gory details. She calmly responded:

‘He informed me that he only loves me 90% - That isn’t good enough for me, so I told him that the relationship was over. I will only accept 100% positive, fulfilling love’

Wow! – I nearly choked on my vino - those words smacked me right in the heart! This was powerful thinking and boy was this chick empowered. There wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell that Sarah would settle for less than she deserved and she knew that anything less than 100% just wasn’t blooming good enough!

I wanted some of what she had!

I wanted to turn my back on situations and relationships where I was being fed leftover mouldy crumbs rather than being wined and dined on the full scrumptious chocolate biscuit. I wanted to prize myself enough that I was able to make choices for ME which allowed me to honour, protect and most of all, take bloody good care of myself!

At last, the epiphany had arrived:

I needed to take responsibility for my own needs and emotional wellbeing. I needed to love and care for myself enough to only accept 100% positive, healthy and fabulous relationships.
I had to quit depositing all my energy and hard work into saving a relationship which left me feeling exhausted and tormented. I needed to reclaim my life back from 'Rob' and take responsibility for my own happiness. I had to cease putting my life on hold, hanging on in there for the imaginary day where Rob would magically metamorphosis into the caring and loving man I always longed for him to be. I had to bail out from planet second best!

FACT.....

 Some people are toxic and there is nothing you can do to change them

 It is ok to release people from your life who are not supportive and kind

 It is acceptable to walk away from someone, If they continually make you unhappy

 Some people are simply not good for you and you need to protect yourself

 You are better than all this poop you have been taking

Being Brave

2011-07-24T14:24:00.000+10:00

I am normally pretty good at standing up for myself, well most of the time anyway. For some reason I find being assertive at work a no brainer and don't think twice about it.   Even with certain friends, you know, the kind of friends who nurture and support your every move, it really doesn't bother me. Out comes the assertive Lisa, saying how I feel without any fear of retribution or terror.   Most of the time, If I am too pushy, my friends just laugh at me ;0).

However, some situations fill me with dread of having to honour my own feelings and say how I really feel.  I know much of this negative thinking comes from the past where in a certain relationship, I would be ignored, shouted at or had my words twisted around my neck if I ever felt brave enough to say what I really felt. Also, I previously held a pattern of attracting toxic people into my life so often found myself rather nervous about speaking up for myself.

Needless to say, I am working on it but still find some of the old patterns creeping back in when I choose to swallow my words or even worse, chunter away in resentment towards to the person who probably has no idea why I am so annoyed with them.   This behaviour always reminds me of one of my favourite quotes ' Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die' ( Carrie Fisher). Unfortunately, in some situations, I still feel rather anxious at speaking up, particularly when it is about an issue which is upsetting me.    Lurking in the back of my mind is the nagging thought that I will be punished for speaking up and it really isn't a good move to rock the boat.

An interesting experienced happened to me this weekend. For weeks I had been feeling resentful due to another persons actions which I felt were thoughtless and rather bloody annoying.   This anger and resentment had been building up inside of me and I really wasn't amused.

Finally, on Saturday, the steam came flying out of my ears and I told the person, in no uncertain terms, how much this behaviour was annoying me.   Sometimes, I am not scared to admit, that I can go from being passive to aggressive rather quickly!    Once I had said my peace, I waited for the explosion. I also thought about leaving the room quickly in order to hide before the atmosphere turned sour.     Much to my amazement. NOTHING HAPPENED.

I waited, every part of my body went tense, just anticipating the angry or response or some type of retribution to what I said.   But NOTHING HAPPENED.

In fact, the only thing which did happened is the person concerned, just smiled at me and said they would try to change their actions as it was causing me such distress.

Seriously, I was so shocked.   I am so used to people shouting at me when I speak up that I just felt dumbstruck to how nice and healthy their response had been. Hurrah, I was safe!

Although to some people this may seem trivial, to me it was a big breakthrough in realising that it is safe for me speak up for myself. OK, I acknowledge that not all responses will be as positive but I did feel such relief in finding out that another person wasn't going to make a big thing about it.

So thank you to my previously annoying friend, you have taught me a big lesson!

Victim

2011-07-19T14:22:00.000+10:00

I feel the need to honour my dark side today so thought I would live up to my name of being Spiritual and bloody irritable in this weeks blog.

I love my clients. All of them. But if there is one thing that gets my heckles up or leaves me feeling frustrated is that nauseating long term victim mentality and behaviour. Don't get me wrong, I also wore that the Victim sticker on my head many times in the past but I do find it frustrating when people choose to wear the victim jumper just to get attention or to blame someone else for their life and avoid actually doing something about it.

I have a friend who is a long term victim. I love her to bits ( I have to say that in case she is reading this) but spending time with her recently has been a bit of a struggle and I am beginning to think cleaning the cooker with a toothbrush as being a more attractive option. The reason for this is that within 2 minutes, I can forecast that the conversation will turn around to how miserable, hard done by or resentful she is of how her life is turning out. ' Nothing ever works out for me' she will exclaim or ' It's OK for you'.

It is at these moment that, unable to ram her over the head with a heavy object I try....yet again to support her and lovingly ( sometimes) encourage her to take some positive action.    Does she ever do it..........NO of course she flamin' doesn't as deep down, she has become to enjoy the attention she may get from other people when she is selling her ' story' to unsuspecting people she may meet.

It doesn't take much these days for her to spiral into victim hood. Whether its a sloppy waiter ( This always happens to me) a rainy day ( Typical weather, it always rains when I need to be outside) or a busy day ( there is no wonder I haven't got time to change my life). She easily finds heaps of things in her day to complain about.

Conscious of my belief that things which annoy us in another person are things we must own or work on ourselves - I then started to look at where I may be playing the victim. Was it at work I asked myself? With friends? My health? With myself?   Then the light bulb moment hit, I was being a victim just listening to my friends behaviour , and often, I do admit, having a good old bitch about her behind her back!

So, take this to be my last hopeful whinge about a victim friend as I am going to take the plunge and talk to her about it.   I am going to inform her how I feel the energy and life being sucked out of me when ever we catch up and I can't do it anymore - well, not without a large G&T anyway.

So, if you are reading this and perhaps have been wearing the victim hat for too long, how about you take some action NOW and download my fabulous Amazing Coaching ebook which is packed full of action steps and EXCUSE BUSTERS. I promise it will help you shed your victim mentality and quite possibly, give your friends a bit of a break as well ;0). Click here to shed the VICTIM and move into VICTORIOUS! AMAZING COACHING EBOOK

Are we far too busy to be kind?

2011-07-09T11:58:00.000+10:00

I really don't wish to come across as a martyr but yet again, I find myself just a little bit disappointed about how as a human race, we seem to be far too busy or perhaps fail to notice when other people around us need a helping hand.

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you may remember an incident some months ago where I watched an elderly gentleman collapse outside my local hospital and was shocked to observe, that heaps of people walked straight past him, without offering to assist him in any way.

Yesterday, I came across a similar example.   I was heading out of my local train station, where I noticed an elderly lady ( I was later to discover she was in her mid 80's) struggling to push her trolly full of shopping up the hill.   This hill is rather nasty I must admit and I often get out of breath carrying my own shopping.    I stopped to watch her for a few seconds and again, noticed people just walking on by in their own little worlds. By this stage, the women was obviously in distress, and had stopped to lean on her trolly and catch her breath.

I instantly thought of my own Nan and memories of when I take her shopping in the UK. On these rare and special trips, we teeter carefully around Morrisons at a snail pace so she can have some time out of the house and get her weekly shop.

I went over to ask the lady if she wanted some help and she accepted gracefully.   After chatting to her for a few minutes ( even my back was killing me pushing her trolly up the hill!) she informed me that she had felt unwell as she had eaten a hot meal for the first time in the cafe near the supermarket. Apparantly, she could not use the cooker at home and was so excited to be able to have hot food that she had wolfed it down in excitement.

She then informed me that she would really like to die as her life wasn't worth living anymore and everything was just too hard to cope with.

I admit to feeling a mixture of sadness and anger that this lady was feeling so down and alone. I also hoped in my heart that if a member of my family was struggling with their shopping that some kind stranger would give them a hand.

In Sydney this week, the front page news was that an eldery women had been found dead in her city apartment - apparantly she had been dead for over 8 years and nobody had noticed!   People just assumed that she wanted to be left alone.

So, perhaps if you are reading this blog, you could take a few minutes to pop and visit an elderly relative or neigbour, or reach out to help a stranger in the street.   It doesn't take much and you can really help to make someone's day.   A random act of kindess will also spread more light and love across the world and it was make you feel good as well.

Working hard to be Assertive....still.....

2011-06-29T13:34:00.001+10:00

I love it when people contact me after they have read my blog, it helps me convince myself that I am just not writing into the big black hole of the Internet.

The most popular blog it seems have been those on topics such as dealing with an abusive partner and feeling like prey. For this I am eternally grateful, as after spending 5 years with an abusive toad, I am keen to get the message out that we really need to learn to love ourselves first. I would like to first of all, send a big hug to those who are suffering from any type of abusive behaviour, and let you know that you are worth more. Really you are, and you are a fabulous, amazing person. Don’t just nod your head and receive it, believe it!

It's been a good week for me so far, but one of the things I try hard to do in my life is be assertive. For me, it is not something which comes naturally, but over the years, I am learning that the cost of NOT being assertive and building on my self esteem, hurts me more. Particularly when I build up resentment inside and have rather vindictive thoughts about what I would do to the often unsuspecting person who has ruffled my feathers. See my blog regarding “Swallowing Poison”.

So today, I thought I would share with you a few of my favourite concepts, which help me on my assertive path and put appropriate boundaries in place when dealing with poor behaviour from other people.
On the whole, most of us attempt to be kind and loving people, treating people the way we ourselves want to be treated.

However, being a nice person does not guarantee that other people will treat you the same. It is often a difficult lesson to learn that some people will bully, manipulate and take advantage if you if they can. I often hear clients complaining that they are treated like a doormat – to this I reply ‘People will only treat you like a doormat if you let them’.

As previously mentioned, having once held myself prisoner in a toxic relationship of emotional abuse and verbal abuse, for over 5 years, I know how important it is for each and every one of us to never allow another person to walk all over us. However, at this time in my life, I wasn’t clear on how I DID want others to treat me, nor was I clear on what was NOT acceptable behaviour to me. This is where writing my own personal bill of rights came in. I started by writing down a few basic guidelines such as:

1) I will not allow anyone to yell at me

2) I will not allow someone to continually put me down

3) I will not allow anyone to verbally abuse me

4) I will not allow someone to continually take their anger out on me

5) I will not allow other people to ignore my feelings or belittle my beliefs

I also included in my list what I have the right to!

1) I have the right to express my opinions and beliefs

2) I have the right to say Yes or No for myself

3) I have the right to say ‘I don’t understand’

4) I have to right simply to be myself without having to act for other people’s benefit

5) I have the right to decline responsibility for other people’s problems

When we become clear on what is NOT acceptable to us, we can teach people how to treat us – as it is really up to YOU not to allow yourself to be on the receiving end of poor treatment.

The fact is:

• Some people are toxic and there is nothing you can do to change them

• It is OK to release people from your life who are not supportive and kind

• It is acceptable to walk away from someone if they continually make you unhappy

• Some people are simply not good for you and you need to protect yourself

Raising your self esteem and having clear boundaries in place to teach people how to treat you, really is a self loving act and although it can be very scary or uncomfortable at first, the benefits far outweigh the discomfort.

Good luck!

Socks

2011-06-16T20:16:00.000+10:00

As winter is upon us in Sydney, the temperature has suddenly dropped and the winter coat ,scarf and mittens are making a comeback into my wardrobe along with my snugly electric blanket. ( Yes, I do have one despite my Mum’s warning that I will electrocute myself overnight)

Yes, Yes, I am well aware that most people outside of Australia tend to think that Sydney basks in the sun 365 days a year but sorry to smash your illusion as it gets really flipping cold over Winter! This matter is made even worse by the lack of central heating and warm winter carpets. Many people, including myself, survive with little electric heaters which they move from room to room like a little dog following them around on a lead.

Anyway, last week I happened to be heading home on the train, rugged up as usual with 5 layers of clothing when I happened to notice a gentleman next to me on the escalator who had no shoes and socks. His poor feet were bright red and sore. These sights tend to upset me so after going through the ticket barrier, I made a decision to wait for him and offer to purchase him some socks. Unfortunately, he didn’t come my way but I admit to going home that evening feeling rather upset that ANYONE, homeless or not, should be without warm footwear in winter!

I know most people have the idea that the majority of homeless people are drunks, drug addicts or have a mental illness but recent studies in Australia have shown that the average age for Australia's 104,000 homeless is in the mid-30s, with family breakdown the No.1 reason for taking to the streets. Nearly half are women, one in five are aged 12-18 and more than 40 per cent are couples - many with children in tow.

To be honest, these statistics shock me as around me, I see huge amounts of wealth in this country and do not believe that the figures above are acceptable.

The good news is, upon sharing my story with some work colleagues, we decided to club together, purchase some fabulous woolly socks and deliver them to two of the homeless shelters nearby. I must admit to feeling pretty blessed that I had some many kind hearted and generous friends around me. All in all, we managed to purchase over 35 pairs of woolly socks which is great – That’s 35 pairs of feet which will be warmer this winter!

So maybe this winter YOU could think about doing a random act of kindness too? Maybe you could help one of the 104.000 homeless people by purchasing a copy of the ‘Big Issue’, sharing your loose change or maybe donating some blankets and clothes.

We often forget how lucky we are to own a wardrobe full of clothes or nice warm blankets to keep us warm, so please, spare a thought to the 52% of homeless people who do not have a bed for the night and give them a helping hand

Pick me!

2011-05-21T13:13:00.000+10:00

I must admit, it's been a strange week.   I am sure I can blame some of it on the full moon but all in all, it's been a week of just feeling a bit strange and rather sad!

Sadness in itself mind you, is a great transformational feeling as for most of us, as it often results in taking stock of where we are in life and deciding to make some positive changes.

It all started on Monday where I was due to be a expert Life Coach on the SBS TV show ' Insight'.   I turned up all dressed up like a dogs dinner only to find I couldn't get a bloody word in for the whole show. I admit to having my hand in the air for a large part of the show desperately trying to get the Presenters attention as I believed I had so much valuable input to say on the show.

When filming was complete, I was surprised by the feeling of sadness and disappointment which surrounded me deep in my heart.  I know from experience that I need to embrace and ' own' all emotions (good or bad) so decided just to sit with it and allow what needed to come up - to come up!

Then it hit me - all my sadness was coming from ' not being picked'.  Just thinking of this emotion led my mind on a little merry trip, ranging from not being chosen by others to be part of the P.E. team to my ex husband ' picking' to leave me for someone else!     This lovely belief has remained unhealed for rather a long time and in some areas of my life, feeds all my insecurities of not being good enough.

So, I will continue this week to work in clearing these toxic thoughts and in the meantime, will choose to pick myself!

Putting yourself out for other people

2011-05-08T13:26:00.000+10:00

I admit it, I really can be an anti-social sod sometimes and really and truly enjoy my own company! Although many people see me as an extrovert, I am more than happy to settle down at night, watch a good drama or potter around in my own wibbley wobbly world chatting to my angels or a random gnome which may have found itself in my sock drawer.

I am not a cave woman though and do enjoy the company of others - but i do also like to strike a balance between company and my own little Lisa's world.

Despite trying to keep this balance, I try to be flexible, always up for a spontaneous night out or a last minute request from clients or friends to catch up.
What I have realised this week though, is that often I need to protect my precious time alone and learn to say No to others who wish to share or 'pop over' during my pre-arranged ' Lisa Time'.

This week, trying to be the nice friendly people pleaser I am, I accepted a last minute invite from friends despite looking fwd to some quiet solitude time in my PJ's. I re-arranged my organised massage and long hot bath and looked forward to the arrival of friends.   However, they had a last minute change of plan leaving me feeling tired and yes, I admit it, a little naffed of!    However, these things happen so I openly re-arranged another night, well aware that this would indeed make me a busy little fairy this week with little time to chill and re-charge my own batteries.

Surprise! - The re-arranged night was again postponed as my guest had a change of last minute plans, leaving me (yet again) all dressed up and ready to go with alas, no where to go!

I take responsibility for my part here - rather than be so accommodating to other peoples needs, I need to be more accommodating of my own.   This has been a lifelong pattern for me, changing my own plans when other people need me or re-arranging my own schedule just to fit in with others and keep them happy.

So, this week I start a new lesson.   I will happily keep my much needed balance of Lisa time and social time as indeed it does keep me sane, happy and relaxed.   I will learn to put my needs first and state them to other people. Those who love me will totally understand I am sure, but it's up to me to tell them!

Garbage Law

2011-04-23T14:46:00.000+10:00

One of my favourites to share with you all today:

The Law of the Garbage Trucks

How often do you let other people's nonsense change your mood? Do you
let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive employee ruin

your day?

Unless you're the Terminator, for an instant you're probably set back

on your heels. However, the mark of a successful person is how quickly they can get back on focus on what's important.

I learned it in the back of a Harare City taxi cab. Here's what happened. I hopped in a taxi and we took off for Westgate .

We were driving when all of a sudden a black car jumped out

of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his

breaks, skidded, and missed the other car's back end by just inches!

Here's what happened next. The driver of the other car, the guy who

almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he
yelling bad words at us. How do I know? Ask any Zimbabwean, some words in Harare come with a special face.

Now, here's what blew me away. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at
the guy. And I mean, he was friendly. So, I said, "Why did you just do

that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!"

And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now call, "The Law of

the Garbage Truck."

Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage,

full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As
their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. And if you let them, they'll dump it on you. When someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally. You just smile, wave, wish them well, and move
on. You'll be happy you did. I guarantee it.

So this was it: The "Law of the Garbage Truck." I started thinking,

how often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me? And how often do

I take their garbage and spread it to other people: at work, at home, on the streets? It was that day I said, "I'm not going to do it anymore."

I began to see garbage trucks. Like in the movie "The Sixth Sense,"
the little boy said, "I see Dead People." Well now "I see Garbage Trucks." I see the load they're carrying. I see them coming to drop it off. And like my Taxi Driver, I don't make it a personal thing; I just smile, wave, wish them well, and I move on.

One of my favourite Football players of all times, Ronaldino, does
this every day on the football field. With a smile he always jumps up

as quickly as he hits the ground after being tackled. He never dwells on a hit. Ronaldino is always ready to make the next play his best. Good leaders know they have to be ready for their next meeting. Good parents know that they have to welcome their children home from school with hugs and kisses.

Leaders and parents know that they have to be fully present, and at

their best for the people they care about. The bottom line is that successful people do not let Garbage Trucks take over their day.

What about you? What would happen in your life, starting today, if you

let more garbage trucks pass you by? You'll be happier. I guarantee it.

Keep smiling - it makes people wonder what you've been up to!!

Are you selling your soul?

2011-04-16T14:31:00.000+10:00

Where in your life are you selling your soul? Where are you stepping over you own boundaries or not honouring yourself or your feelings? Where are you ignoring your intuition?

I spoke with a client today who was unsure whether to continue a relationship with a man she had already had several dates with. She was often receiving mixed messages from him and felt unsure whether he was really interested in her romantically. The long and short of it is, is that this particular client, has been willing to settle for crumbs in a relationship, rather than be alone. She has a pattern of relationships in her life which have been less than fulfilling! This is despite the fact that she is a fabulous, amazing woman!

Rather than see this client continue in her pattern of poor relationships, I requested that she start a dialogue with the part of her body, or the inner child, who believed that she deserved so little from her relationships. The reason for doing this is that I have learned that our inner guidance and wisdom, will lead us to the best decisions, choices and actions that are in alignment with our highest selves.

My client ‘went inside’ and started a dialogue with this part of her who believed she deserved so little. What came forward was an aspect of herself who needed love. This part expressed how my clients self criticism, self doubt and rejection of herself has affected her life. This part brought forward how it felt to be on the RECEIVING end of the self abusive, damaging beliefs that my client has continued to belief and act on as an adult.

After my client has listened to what this part of her had to stay, and allowed herself to feel the emotional impact of this, it was time for her to apologise to this part inside of her for treating her so badly, and putting her in situations where she was treated badly, particularly by men.

During this session, I asked my client to speak to his part of herself and ask what this part needed in order to become a more healthy integrated part. The answer came quickly, as I heard my client say "She needs me to stop spending time with this man. She needs me to stop settling for crumbs and to treat myself like gold instead."

That was all she needed to hear. Within minutes of finishing our coaching session, my client had cancelled her date, and by doing this she had broken the cycle of self-abuse and stopped the pattern of abandoning and forsaking herself in relationship to men. She stopped selling her soul! With one small action step based on a true request from the heart, she quietly caused a huge shift in both her internal and external worlds. Her life will never be the same again!

Action Step – Where are YOU selling your soul?

• Are you ignoring something which needs to be addressed?

• Where in your life are you settling for second best?

• Where in your life are you failing to set clear boundaries?

• Where are you not being honest about what you want or what you need?

• Where are you not honouring and valuing yourself?

Choose Happiness

2011-04-10T13:47:00.000+10:00

Most of us wait for something great to happen in our lives before we put on the smile and feel happy! But really, happiness is a choice and why not make yourself happy rather than waiting for happiness to come to you?

Seriously, nobody is coming to save you so if you want to shake your life up a bit and get happy then you can start by making a few simple changes to your day.

What are the first words you say to yourself in the morning? Do you grunt and moan at the thought of going to work or groan that you have to get out of bed? Well, if you do, you are setting yourself up for a miserable day so why not choose to make your day a good one instead? How about declaring that you are going to have a great day and wonderful things are going to happen to you? Remember, whatever you think about you create so make sure you think happy thoughts!

How about writing a list of 50 things which make you happy and doing at least one of those things a day? They don't have to be huge expensive treats, it could just be something as simple as listening to your favourite song or walking barefoot on the beach.

Another great happiness technique is to write a list of things you are grateful for. Often we spend hours focussing on the things we don't have or how we wish things were different in our lives but what about spending a little time being grateful for all that you DO HAVE in your life? What about that job which allows you to pay bills and have a roof over your head? What about your family and friends?

Finally, a word of warning. If you don't feel like taking steps to make yourself happy, get honest with yourself and ask yourself what are you getting from staying unhappy? Do you get sympathy? Attention? Do people feel sorry for you? Do you feel you don't deserve happiness? If so, commit to doing something different this week and take action to make lasting change.

I am prey

2011-03-19T13:24:00.000+11:00

I am prey. Fortunately, years of being a Life Coach and some tough lessons have taught me this. When I mean prey, I mean controlling, abusive and somewhat harmful energies seemed to seek me out and choose me as their next victim. For many of my years, I couldn't work out why this was happening. Especially when I considered myself a NICE person.  Now I know, that this was part of the problem. I was tooooooooo nice allowing others to walk all over my somewhat invisible boundaries, control my choices in life and leave me feeling powerless and a soggy trodden on door mat.

Once I became aware of my status of prey, I started my journey of learning to care for myself, putting up loving boundaries and learning to stand up for myself.

I am the first to admit that this has not been an easy task and sometimes the thought of how the other person would react to me informing them that their behaviour was not acceptable to me, left me shaking in my boots! Some days I got it so wrong, other days I walked away seething in resentment after allowing someone ( yet again) to take advantage of my caregiver personality.

One of most light bulb moments to me was realising how several people who I deemed as friends, were displaying controlling and aggressive behaviour towards myself.   For years, I tried to ignore it, perhaps distancing myself from them for a while or even worse, having a bitching session about them behind their backs.   The truth was that I was actually in denial.   I didnt' want to lose them from my life or felt in some way that I 'owed them' my friendship or convinced myself that ' they didn't mean it'

The universe however has had different ideas. Since Jan 1 2011 this year, all of the negative and somewhat toxic people in my life have been ' removed'.   One just drifted out failing to return my calls and another I just decided enough was enough and chose to walk away.

The final test has been with a friend who I realise now , that I am really scared stiff of! My behaviour around her is passive, appeasing with the objective of keeping her happy and not rocking the boat.    Her behaviour traits are very similar to an abusive boyfriend of mine that it presses many of my hot buttons leaving me feeling bullied and downtrodden.

However, yesterday, the light bulb has gone on for good and I am now choosing to release myself from this person for good.   Not only have I made this decision, but In addition, for the peace of my own body, I have chosen to address her behaviour towards myself and talk to her about it. Enough is Enough!

I thought I would feel scared at this thought but in fact, I feel empowered.   I feel strong and also relieved that I will no longer allow this person to treat me like this.   I will speak my truth and if they don't like it - I don't actually care.   No longer do I care if she doesn't like it, becomes aggressive or spends the rest of her life telling everyone what a cow I am.

I feel good that I can walk away from this ' friendship' with my head up high knowing that I have stayed in my light and have not lowered myself to some of the low blows and passive aggressive behaviour she has bestowed upon me.

However, for me, the lesson has also been to speak up if someone violates me and that it is ok to walk away from someone who continually treats me badly. I also know not to ignore my intuition who has been warning me for ages to just Stay Away!

Wish me luck!

Overcome Excuses And Achieve The Success You Dream Of

2011-02-25T17:55:00.000+11:00

Excuses are driven by fear and negative emotions that keep us from realizing our ambitions. That's why you need Excuse Busters! By learning to control these fears we need not make excuses. Being too busy is not an excuse, nor is not having the money or having the relevant qualification. That’s not to say that you’re not any of these but if you really want something without the fear, there are hurdles that can be overcome. Very simply put successful people and entrepreneurs do not make excuses or accept them. If you do, you’ve already accepted defeat and failure, you’re probably in denial, or what’s worse is you are possibly lying to yourself. You have lost authority because you won’t accept blame and you’re certainly not on the road to fame and fortune.

A start to changing your habit is to write down your excuses you give to yourself on a regular basis. Identify them and this can help you to recognize your pitfalls and fears. Next time a situation arises where you’d usually use one of your excuses, change the statement to a proactive one that makes you take back control of your destiny. Practice this habit and replace all the excuses you make and you’re on the right track. And don’t accept excuses from others either. If you’re not going to crave for humungous successes in the end, why would you tolerate lame responses for lackadaisical behavior?

Moreover, our fear is very often driven by the concern of how others perceive us to be. We spend too much time thinking about others, which we could be utilizing in acting positively towards our goals. That’s not to say we should all become egocentric, selfish megalomaniacs that have no consideration of others whatsoever. It just means stop worrying about what others think and get on, and, do whatever you want to do.

One of the problems is that many of us don’t actually know what we like to do. We end up in jobs that weren’t on our career option lists and get bogged down with the day to day routines. So take time out and schedule yourself some time to think about your likes. What do you enjoy, what makes you happy? Find yourself and when you’ve discovered who you are, you won’t worry about the opinion of others and then just do it. The quicker the better; be quick to act before your fear exaggerates. Don’t dwell on what could go wrong, focus on what could go right.

How To Remain Positive About Your Life When It Feels Like There’s Nothing Left

2011-02-22T17:53:00.000+11:00

In many ways these are tough times we live in. I know a generation older than myself certainly believes that it’s harder for youngster today then it was for them and that there aren’t the same opportunities but at least we’re not in the trenches like many young men and male teenagers had to endure during The Great War. And this is how to try and feel positive when it’s all gone wrong and the rug has been pulled out from your feet. You’ve just got to get on with it. It’s easy to say isn’t it, get up brush yourself off and try again. But it’s true. A positive outlook can overcome many things; it’s your self and self perception that prohibits progress. There are some tips to help you achieve this through difficult times.

First, try and be grateful for what you have. Be it friends, family, children or a pet, it may even be a pair of shoes or a car. Focus on what you have and cherish rather than feeling dispirited for what you don’t have or want. This will help you remain calm and positive.

Secondly, try and look for the good in the situation. Remember what you originally thought was a crisis yesterday often turns out to be better in the end and you end up laughing about it. Situations are often ironic and amusing. Think every cloud has a silver lining and try to get on with it even if some melancholy or pessimistic thought bogs you down, making you indisposed to ensue.

Don’t be discouraged and don’t believe negative connotations from others. Discouragement is a negative emotion that others may express. Don’t fall for these negative opinions. They may be based out of jealousy or envy and take solace in the knowledge that you have (something that others want) and be grateful again! Take courage and believe you can achieve what you want to do to fulfill your ambitions.

Very importantly, look at the bigger picture and decide what you want. It’s easy to get distracted and forget about our goals and objectives. Write them down, organize your thoughts, create a list even and as you complete them tick them off. Even if it’s on a daily basis, this will make you feel better about whom you are. After all, you will feel as if you achieved something that you never accomplished before.

There is one last belief that you have to vest your trust in. Everyone goes through a bad patch, so you’re not alone. Some choose to overcome it and others fall down at the pit falls; Decide which way you are going to choose and you would come to know that there is a decision to make.

Achieve Relaxation Through Meditation To Increase Your Productivity

2011-02-20T17:52:00.000+11:00

It is well documented that meditation aids with stress relief and has other benefits too. It may sound impossible to suggest that time should be set aside for meditation to be part of your weekly schedule but by allocating enough time you actually can meditate for your well-being. No other exercise or medium can actually work towards the betterment of health like meditation and increase your productivity and health over the long run.

Meditation removes the clutter and stress that we pile up in our minds. By eliminating these chunks of unwanted thoughts, you can sort through the disorder to channel your thoughts in a more positive direction thus increasing your workflow. Anyone can meditate; it’s just a matter of finding the form of meditation that suits you best and how to master it.

Meditation need not take a long time; as little as ten to fifteen minutes can achieve results. A simple breathing mediation may be a good starting point. This only requires a quiet place, ensuring you’re seated in a comfortable position you may be crossed-legged or not, but you need to maintain your back in a straight position to prevent your mind from becoming sleepy. Then, eyes are closed slightly and the meditator focuses on breathing, preferably through nostrils. Thus there is an increase in the awareness of act of breathing which actually makes it easy for the passage of air through the nose into the lungs. As thoughts enter into the mind, focus should remain on breathing so as to concentrate on relaxation and to avoid distraction.

There are several methods of meditation including guided meditation, mantra meditation, mindfulness meditation, QI Gong, Tai Chi and Yoga. Some have a physical exercise element inherent to them but all meditation methods are geared for the same benefits, which are numerous.

Mental well-being is an obvious benefit and this includes being able to look at perceived stressful situations with perception, gaining distance to be able to act accordingly in a controlled manner rather than reacting. Another key mental benefit is overall stress management and increasing your awareness of the self. You can also achieve reduction of negative emotions and learn to focus on the present (living for now) rather than being concerned about what might or might not happen.

Some initial top line research has been conducted that suggests that there are some physical benefits but this has yet to be fully proven by the medical profession. These benefits are varied from reducing allergies, anxiety disorders, asthma, binge eating, cancer, depression, fatigue, heart disease, high blood pressure, pain, sleeping disorders and substance abuse. This certainly is thought provoking.

Video killed the Radio Star

2011-02-19T15:31:00.000+11:00

Ok, I know I should brag but I am rather chuffed that I appeared on a blog radio yesterday and managed to get through the experience in one piece without choking, spluttering or brain blank. I did have to fight the urge to pee half way through the broadcast but otherwise, really enjoyed the experience.

The weird thing was wondering who was listening. Was I talking to myself out there or were the only people listening those who I had excitedly informed via a mass bragging email that I was going to to be a guest on a radio show?

Being honest, this whole experience has made me rather excited and I spent most of last night visualising being a guest on Parky or appearing on a more mainstream radio show.

Anyway, I promise this will be my final brag but if do fancy listening to 90 minutes of my dulcet tones, you can catch the recording of the show at
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/angel-heart-radio/2011/02/18/lisa-phillips-an-amazing-coach-fulfill-your-wildest-dream

3 Easy Ways To Having A Meaningful Relationship

2011-02-17T17:51:00.001+11:00

Do you want to know how to take charge and stay in a loving relationship? In today’s world everything is so fast paced that we tend to have short and shallow relationships with others. It can be very difficult to stay in a dedicated relationship when most people have such short attention spans. It does not matter if you are married, divorced or single, you can find some useful advice here that will help you with your relationship.

Be Yourself

Each of us is a wonderful and unique creature with something special to offer others. If you are trying to impress someone by acting in an unnatural way you are not doing yourself any favours. You should not have to pretend to be someone that you are not. If a person truly loves you they will want to be with the real you. Sure, you might be able to win more friendships and lovers by acting like a different person, but that is short lived. If you want to be in a meaningful relationship you are going to have to accept who you are and act accordingly.

Communication Is Crucial

A truly meaningful relationship will go deeper than the surface. You both might look good with each other, but you cannot build a relationship on this alone. Having fun with a person is important, but can you really connect with them as well? Think about how things go when you are alone with that person. Can you hold a conversation with them when it is just the two of you? Do you talk about your hopes, dreams, passions, inner most feelings, or do you just talk about the weather and the latest gossip? Unless you can truly open up to a person, and have them open up to you, you cannot hope for a truly meaningful relationship.

Exploring Differences

You do not have to pretend that you do not share differences. Everyone has his or her own likes and dislikes. None of us is the same as another person, so why would you expect to be the same as your partner? It is totally fine to share different tastes in life, as this is what makes us unique. However, it is important that you have some similar tastes, so that you are not constantly arguing about what is good, bad and what you should do with your free time. If you are able to adjust to each other’s likes and create a comfortable give and take relationship you will be well on the path to a long lasting relationship. And, of course you should be lauded for making it a very meaningful one that delights both the souls that it encompasses of.

Lisa Phillips An Amazing COACH Fulfill Your Wildest Dreams and be INSPIRED 18/02/2011 - Angel Heart Radio | Internet Radio | Blog Talk Radio

2011-02-16T18:57:00.000+11:00

Lisa Phillips An Amazing COACH Fulfill Your Wildest Dreams and be INSPIRED 18/02/2011 - Angel Heart Radio Internet Radio Blog Talk Radio

Thank you Lisa Phillips!

2011-02-16T18:32:00.000+11:00

3 Simple Ways For Leaving Negative Thoughts Behind

2011-02-15T17:51:00.000+11:00

Having too many negative thoughts can be harmful to not only your mood, but also your mental welfare. If you let things continue on a downward slide for too long it can also start to have a negative effect on your general health. Have you checked out my Amazing Coaching DIY Manual? If not, do not despair, because there are some simple things that you can do to leave negative thoughts behind.

We have all been in the room when people have been arguing, or sharing their negative thoughts such as anxiety and depression. This experience will show you exactly what a negative thought is. Positive emotions can spread a good vibe through a room of people, but negative thoughts can be harmful to others as well. Take these simple steps to avoid having negative emotions and you can ensure a good state of mental health.

Remember To Breathe

Science shows that when you are in a worrying or stressful situation, breathing properly can help a great deal. It can revitalize your mind and allow your system to flow naturally. Take your hands and place them over your heart as you breathe, so that you can feel each breath properly. Feel how your heart responds to your breathing, and you will see that it can actually ease your worry. Even if you are not feeling overly stressed, taking a moment to breathe can increase your awareness and give you a sense of clarity.

Smile

When you get up in the morning and go to look in the mirror, smile at yourself. Do not just look at yourself and think negative things, but look at how great you are. Give yourself a big grin and just remember that you are special, and you can achieve in your life. It can also help to make a funny face in order to help you laugh. Laughter is important and having a good chuckle first thing in the morning will help to brighten your spirits. Smiling at other people can help to share a happy mood and make a good impression on those around you. Never underestimate the power of a nice smile.

Accept Your Feelings

Everyone in the world has happy and sad thoughts, so you are not alone. If you simply choose to ignore your unhappy thoughts you are not doing yourself a favour. You might think that you can tough it out and force yourself to be happy, but it will not work. Remember to acknowledge how you are feeling and accept that everyone feels sad from time to time.

How To Give A Good Impression

2011-02-05T11:04:00.005+11:00

One of the most important parts of making someone like you is forming a great first impression. This is where they will decide many things about you. They will take away this first impression and keep it with them for the rest of your relationship. Sure, you can always change how a person thinks about you, but first impressions often last for a long time.

When attempting to make a good impression on another person it is important that you consider your appearance, body language, clothing and what you say. These things will form an idea of what type of person you are in another’s mind.

Relaxation

Be sure that you relax, as panic can make a person feel uneasy around you. When someone appears to be having a great time they seem more attractive. This is simply how our minds perceive others. If you seem awkward, like you do not want to be in your current situation, you will give off bad vibes. So remember, relax and you will seem more attractive to others.

Smiling Is Important

People would rather see a smile on your face than a frown or look of worry. You do not have to look serious in order to be found attractive. So do not simply try to act tough or play it cool when you meet someone new. Smile and act friendly, because it will make you seem like a nice person who is fun to be around.

Do not try too hard to be witty

Sure, everyone loves a clever person with a quick wit. However, if you are not naturally like this you do not have to try to be something that you are not. People can usually tell that you are trying too hard and they will be turned away. However, if you are fast with a joke, by all means, go for your life.

You do not have to be perfect

You might be trying to make a good impression, but you do not have to be perfect. Nobody is perfect, and trying to act this way is shallow and transparent. Do not talk too greatly of yourself, as you will seem pompous and self involved. The small things that you will see as imperfections will allow other people to relate to you more easily.

Make eye contact

When you are talking to someone it is polite to make eye contact. The eyes can tell you a lot about a person. If you can maintain eye contact you will show that you are listening to what the other person says and that you are not shy or timid.

Setting Goals To Achieve

2011-02-05T11:04:00.002+11:00

Why do so many businesses or individuals fail? Why is it that people do not all get what they want in life? Failing to plan can often mean planning to fail. Creating a plan means setting goals in your life. If you do not set goals you will not be very likely to succeed. Sure, there are some people who are simply gifted and can achieve more easily than others. However, the unfortunate truth is that most of us must work very hard in order to achieve our goals.

Goals can enable us to set a clear path to follow in life. Where you would like to go is just as, if not more, important than where you are right now. Having hopes and dreams, and pushing yourself to reach them, is necessary in order to have a fulfilling life. Goals help you to stay focused on what you want to get out of life, rather than floating randomly from day to day. They are a great way to get what you want, when you want it.

Your goals should be things that you are able to achieve. This is another important part of goal setting. You have to choose goals that you are going to be able to do; otherwise you will most likely fail. There is no point in setting your hopes up in the clouds if you cannot get there. Choosing goals that are possible is very important, but you do not have to choose easy ones. Find things that are difficult but also feasible and you will find that you can achieve.

You should start out by writing down your short-term goals. These are things that you can achieve within a short amount of time. Remember not to choose anything that is too hard, but make things a challenge. This might include things like doing some educated reading, going for a short walk, eating less, drinking less, cutting back on your cigarette smoking or something similar. Choose things that you can get started on right away. These might also include things that are a part of a bigger goal, such as applying to university so that you can end up with a degree. The act of applying is a short-term goal, but completing your study is a long-term goal.

Once you have written your short term goals write down some long-term goals. As discussed in the example above this might include things like completing a university course. It might also include things like being able to go for a half hour jog without stopping, or quitting cigarettes completely. These are things that are not possible to complete in a short span of time. They will take some time off your routine but in the long run it will be worth it.

4 Simple Tips To Learn How To Love Yourself

2011-02-05T11:03:00.002+11:00

Loving oneself is not something that is particularly easy. It can be difficult to take a look in the mirror and like what you can see. Low self-esteem can affect many people all over the world, but there are ways to beat it. You simply have to follow these easy steps and you will find out how to show yourself love.

Create Lists

Start out by writing down some things that you do like about yourself. This might seem like a difficult thing to do, especially if you have a bad self-image. Just give it some thought and you will see that you can like things about yourself. Here are some examples of what you might come up with:

- I am a good worker.
- I am good to animals.
- I am a kind person.
- I care about others.
- I have lots of passion.
- I can show love.
- I like the way my hair looks.
- I have a good sense of fashion.

Again, these are just examples. You will, no doubt, come up with a variety of different things about yourself. It can help you to start out with a list of things that you like, such as “I like animals.” The things that you like are an important part of your personality, and they help you to write something positive. They will help you start to love yourself because you know that you can love other things.

Do Other People Love You?

Surely you have been told that you are loved by other people. It does not matter who it is, be it your partner, a parent, a sibling or a friend. Do you believe that they are lying when they say that they love you? The chances are that they are telling the truth. If they can love you then there are many lovable things about you.

Keeping A Journal

Writing down your thoughts in a journal is a good way to release negative emotions. This can help you to start feeling good about yourself. You will be able to go back and look at previous entries and see that you are improving.

Being Yourself

Sometimes people do not like themselves because they are not truly being themselves. Do not try to impress people by acting like someone who you are not. If you act in a natural way it is easier to be comfortable around other people. They will see that you are easy to go with and this impression will make them feel happy about you hence you’ll soon become more likeable. If others like you it will be much easier to love yourself.

Detachment

2011-01-30T18:00:00.000+11:00

This week I am proud to announce that I have released my first ever ebook on Coaching. http://www.amazingcoaching.com.au/diy-ebook.html

To be honest, I think it is a fabulous DIY coaching book and firmly believe everyone in the whole wide world should own a copy. If the truth be known, I haven't slept for a week and wake up excited each morning logging into my account to see how many people have downloaded a copy!
Seriously, I think I am getting obsessed as it seems like I am spending every spare minute I have investigating different ways of marketing my book and hassling my poor old web designer who ( thankfully) seems quite used to dealing with neurotic authors.

After checking my paypal account for the 50th time today, the word 'detachment' suddenly sprung to mind. Ahhhh, that's a good point I thought to myself, I am not practising that very important law!

So what is detachment? To me personally, detachment is all about giving up control of an outcome, and to ‘let go’ and allow the higher purpose to come though. Remember, everything does happen for a reason – and letting go of your own personal outcome can give space for a much better universal outcome to come into place! A good lesson for me to stop obsessing about sales!

Detaching can also mean:

Allowing people the freedom to be themselves and to make their own decisions and choices in life ( even if you do not like the choices they are making)

• Not saving, rescuing, and trying to fix another person from doing or feeling something.

• Releasing people from your life who may not be supportive of you

• Openness to accepting that you cannot change or control another person, place or thing.

• Establishing a safe distance from people who may be abusive or controlling of you

• Establishing good emotional boundaries between yourself and others whom you may have become dependant on it the past – which may have led to you not being able to develop your own sense of independence

• A process where you are free to be yourself – and do not change your own behaviour just to keep other people happy – even if they don’t like what you are saying or doing!

• Allowing other people to take personal responsibility for their own actions – Practicing tough love and not giving in when they come to you to save the day when their actions have led to issues / problems for themselves or others.

• Allowing other people in your life to be who they ‘ really are’ rather than who ‘ you would like them to be’

• Ability to avoid being hurt, abused, taken advantage of by people.

Detachment does not mean to stop loving and caring for people – just allowing them to be who they are! Detaching and letting go can seem difficult at first – especially for the born fixer’s in life! However, relinquishing the need to control opens up a whole new word of possibility and wonderful unknown miracles which you never believed were possible! Detachment is often just a fear – fear of how things may work out – according to our own personal needs and agenda’s.

Do you find it difficult to detach from others? If so, you may:

• Find yourself easily influenced by other people’s opinions – people may manipulate you.

• Find people in your life becoming emotionally dependant on you and running to you to ‘ sort things out’

• Risk being taken advantage of by others or manipulated into doing things that you do not really want to do

• Find yourself in situations where you are relied upon too much to solve things or ‘fix things’. Everyone may just think that you will sort things out rather than sorting them out themselves.

• Find yourself focused on making life better for everyone else, instead of focusing on what you can do for yourself to live a happy healthy life – overly responsible for other people’s happiness.

• Find yourself deriving your self worth solely from a continuing unhealthy relationship with a person, place or possession.

Often people find it difficult to detach from situations due to the fact they feel they may be losing control. Detachment is often about control – wanting an person to do or say things, an outcome to be how you would like it to be, or an inability to keep a safe distance from someone which may require your own personal self control.

So how do we learn to detach?

1) Set a firm intent to commit to detachment! Decide to be yourself and allow other people around you the freedom to be who they are.

2) Recognize that detaching and letting go may feel uncomfortable at first. Acknowledge the uncertainty you may feel and hand over the problem to a ‘higher power ‘to fix. Often the universe has a much better solution than we have to any perceived problem!

3) Set good boundaries between the person, place etc with whom you may have become dependant / involved with

4) Make sure you take back your power! Especially from things / persons in the past which may have effected your emotional wellbeing and happiness

5) Recognize when you try and rescue / save other people – This is your pattern which you have the ability to change! Try minding your own business!

6) Accept that some people may be toxic and may have an unhealthy impact on your life. Stop making excuses for them and make a choice to release them from your own life. Release them with love.

7) Stop blaming other people for your own situations / problems. We all have choices and can take personal responsibility to change things. Do not blame other people for your own unhappiness.

8) Practice letting go of the need to save, fix, or improve a person’s life. (Except your own of course!)

Feeling Good

2011-01-16T11:44:00.000+11:00

I must admit, the new year has started off on a positive note and I am feeling rather chirpy. It feels at last...that some of my hard work in 2010 is at last paying off.  I feel, that I have at last, made some headway in the area of ' receiving' - hurrah!

Apparently, the universal law of receiving states that for you to be able to receive your desires, you should be open to actually get them. Now, I was doing all the bloody hard work in manifesting them, but believe I was pushing my desires away away unconsciously as I wasn't open to actually receiving them.    OK, this may sound freakin' obvious, but I guarantee, that many of you could actually be doing the same.

Women in particular, are pretty rubbish at receiving.   We are perfectly happy to give away our time, energy and love onto others, but often reject it when it comes back to us. How often have you rejected a compliment or an offer for help because you didn't want to put anyone out or felt undeserving?
The actual giving/receiving process is a continuous cycle and learning to receive is an key part of that process. If we only end up just giving and giving then the cycle is never completed and we can end up blocking the entire process which can be very frustrating!

Now, it takes determination and practice to become good at receiving. We often don't feel that we deserve to be given nice things, or we panic that others will suffer because of what we receive.
Now listen carefully - You do deserve all the gifts and kindness you receive! Remember, there is heaps of love and kindness the universe to go around so be open to receiving because you are worth it!

Try these affirmations for a few weeks ' I am open to receiving the sweetness of life'
'I give and receiving love, easily and effortlessly'

Those dreaded NY resolutions.....

2011-01-02T17:06:00.000+11:00

The Bad News

I don't want wish to come across as a party pooper but apparently, over 95% of you will fail miserably to accomplish those New Year resolutions which you have proudly set yourself. No, it isn't because as a human race we are a bunch of weak willed jellyfish, it is more to due with the fact that the resolutions you set, are dead boring. Let's face it, do you really want to cut down on the fags or eat less chocolate? Ummm, I don't think so. You just feel you SHOULD do something to stop you feeling so bloody guilty.

The Good News
Rather than torturing ourselves with our NY resolutions, there is a far more effective goal setting process you can use. Now, stop groaning as soon as you here the world goal , my way is fun and will help you keep motivated ALL year. Not just on the first week in January. The key is to make your goal inspirational! If you do want to cut out the choccy, then make it worthwhile! Focus on how fabulous you will look and feel rather than torturing yourself with crispbread and lettuce.

Ready? Pick up a pen and make yourself comfortable.

Step 1 – Choose an area of your life that you would like to set a goal in. This could be anything from relationships, health, family, friendships, finances etc. Now spend 5 minutes writing down what makes you miserable when it comes to this area of your life.
Health Example: Overweight, lack of motivation to exercise, clothes too tight, insufficient time / energy to exercise, eating too much junk food, eating between meals, find it difficult to stick to your weight loss program.

Emotional Example – Worry what people think. Feel guilty. Lack of confidence. Just don’t feel happy with life.

Financial Example – In debt, lack of savings, waste too much money, don’t earn enough money.

Step 2 – Now write down how you REALLY would like things to be! Don’t hold back – Go for your perfect outcome! This is where you need to get creative and write down what you want to happen.

Health Example: Lose 10kg easily, feel motivated to exercise, find it easy to eat healthy meals, feeling great inside and out, look and feel fabulous and sexy.

Emotional Example: Feel confident, speak up for myself, happy in who I am, love and accept myself. Loving Life!

Financial Example: Save $100 per week, stick to my budget, pay rise of $$$ per month

Step 3 : Set a realistic date for when you want to achieve your goal.

Step 4 : Write a goal using positive language and make it sexy and exciting! Try to be as specific as you can. E.g. Include target weight and desired weight loss amount / amount you want to save etc.

Health Goal Example: It is June 1st 2011 and I am so happy now that I have achieved my target goal weight of 75kg. I found really easy to lose 10kg and I love the way I now look and feel. I have plenty of energy and time in my day to exercise and enjoy working out at least 3 times a week for a minimum of 40 minutes. I feel so confident and I love looking at myself in the mirror admiring my new body shape. I find it so easy to both cook and eat healthy meals. I look and feel fantastic!

Emotional Goal example: It is July 23rd 2011 and I feel so happy and light. My self esteem is growing every day and I feel very confident in all situations. I am assertive and honour my emotions. I love and accept myself and always take time to nurture and take care of myself. I never beat myself up but always speak kindly and lovingly to myself and others. I look forward to what every day brings.

Financial Goal: It is Nov 2011 and I find it easy to save over $100 per week. My salary is 150k per year and I love what I do. I have cleared all of my debt easily and feel so free and liberated. I love sticking to my budget and enjoy watching my savings grow. I give and receive money easily and my money works hard for me.

Step 4 - Visualise!

When you have written your goal, take time to visualise. Sit quietly and imagine how your life is now that you have achieved your goal. How do you look and feel? See yourself with a big happy smile on your face! See yourself look fabulous and happy now that you have achieved your goal. Make yourself the star in your own visualisation movie.

Step 5 – Read your goal every day - With a smile on your face!

Step 6 – Use positive thoughts.
Try repeating the following statements first thing in the morning or while you are working out. Repeated positive statement will help dispel any negative thoughts you have about yourself and will support the achievement of your goals ( honestly).

• I deserve to achieve my goal and I accept it now
• I find it easy to exercise three times a week
I am my perfect weight
• I can do it!
• I am relaxed and stress free
• My self esteem is growing every day
• I am debt free
• I save money easily
• I love and approve of myself

Remember too that your goals will change as time goes on so make sure you adjust them on a regular basis.

Step 7 - TAKE ACTION!!!! Look at your goal and work out what steps you can take to achieve you goal. Set yourself mini targets of things you can achieve each week.

Health Example – Get gym membership, plan meals, only have healthy foods in house, Join fitness club / weight watchers, leave work early and exercise.

Emotional Example – Practise affirmations, do a course, read a self esteem book, meditate, do exercise, do one nice thing for self every day

Financial Example – Set up a savings account and direct debit, set self a budget, update resume, speak to manager about what you can do to obtain pay rise.

A little effort goes a long way so if you really want to make some changes in 2011, bin those resolutions and get into goal setting! If you can't be bothered, that's fine, but don't go whinging about it!

Attractive???

2010-11-20T15:35:00.000+11:00

I am not sure when this 'feeling' decided to attach itself to my self esteem - but recently I have begin to believe that I have a second head or a fatal flaw which hot single men seem to be aware of.

Is it being 40 and somewhat single for the past two years which has brought on this feeling of unworthiness I wonder? Or perhaps taking too much notice of one's ex who repeatedly informed me that ' nobody else would be interested in me apart from him?'    Or it could be the fact that I am wearing several dunlop tyres around my waistline?

I seem to recall in my 20/30's I could happily have taken part in the 'world's best flirt' competition. I can also never recall being single up to the age of 32. I also recall having enormous fun while living in Singapore, unashamedly chatting up ex pats on many a Saturday night. I even owned my own special ' pulling pants' which had a 100% success rate.

So what is happening now as I repeatedly find myself avoiding that hot bloke eyes just in case he believes that I may be interested?   Why do I find myself struggling to believe that any decent bloke would be interested in taking me out?

Fortunately, being the stubborn and determined Scorpio that I am, I am willing to do something about it and have started with two new affirmations, just to start the ball rolling. These are:

1) I am willing to release the need to think that men find me unattractive
2) I am willing to believe that men do find me attractive.

What is interesting is my huge resistance to even doing these affirmations. You would think I was being asked to clean the cooker with a toothbrush or something as I keep coming up huge excuses and justifications as to why I haven't got time or the inclination to do this 2 minute exercise.

What do i gain from this? Safety perhaps? Protecting myself from rejection? An excuse to stay in on a Saturday night watching Spooks?
( well, it is a top show).

Needless to say, I am for once following my own advice and choosing to ' If I don't feel like doing it, do it anyway'.      I will keep you informed of progress!

Re Binge Eating - Thank you!

2010-10-24T11:21:00.000+11:00

I wanted to take the time to send a big thank you to all the lovely supportive people who contacted me or sent a comment following my last blog on binge eating.

I must admit, I felt truly blessed and thankful to have so many fabulous people in my life.     In particular, I have now been introduced to two people who are also suffering from this upsetting dis-ease and both these people have been a wonderful support to me during this time and we have all openly discussed our fears and our hopes that we are beating this!

The good news is that I am now 4 weeks clear of a binge eating spree and although I have not yet shifted any weight, I am beginning to feel more at peace with my body, and starting to like the way I look ...just a little bit more!

I also realise over the years how I have abused my body, comparing it to others, feeding it junk and never really saying anything nice about it - so this also a time for me to make some internal changes, thanking my body on a daily basis for helping me walk, run and stay alive.   Don't get me wrong, I am no saint and do not plan to give up my favourite glass of merlot!

Of course, using my skills as a coach, I have also set myself a healthy eating goal, created a fabulous mind map and have introduced a few new affirmations into my life including ' I am at my perfect weight and feel fantastic' and ' I love and accept myself exactly as I am'.

So far so good so thank you all for holding my rope.   x

My binge eating disorder

2010-10-10T12:45:00.000+11:00

My health has not been brilliant this year and as a result of this, I have gained 14kg in weight, and sadly, developed a rather upsetting binge eating disorder.

As someone who has spent most of her lifetime working out 5 times a week, eating whatever she wants and not fluctuating from 58kg, the whole process of uncontrollable binge eating was rather upsetting and guilt ridden. My thoughts became obsessed with food and it was not uncommon for me to eat uncontrollably ( and secretly for 4 hours at a time). Seriously, i felt I had NO CONTROL over these urges which were hijacking my body. I can honestly say that they past 4 months of my life with this disorder have been some of the most painful and emotional periods of my life. On the worst days, I attempted to make myself sick in the hope that the weight gain would stop and I would be able to get some sort of a grip on my binge eating.

As someone who likes to think she is fairly in tune with her body, I also visited endless specialists including immunologists, endocrinologists and also holistic specialists and acupuncturists in the hope of finding some assistance and release from this upsetting and often secret process.

I must admit, the most upsetting part of the process was other people's reaction to my sudden weight gain or discovery of my binge eating practises. As a coach, I felt it was wise to get this 'out in the open' rather than it become my shame filled secret.    To be honest, I felt alone, depressed and confused.

Some people laughed and thought it was amusing.   Several 'friends' listened to me crying my eyes out down the phone but have not contacted me since, as if I have some sort of shameful disorder of which they don't want to be part of.    GP's ordered me to work out more often or eat less.   Other specialists told me I should go on anti -depressants. Other people just insisted that I needed to alter my diet or ' get a control on my eating habits'.    On more than one occasion I was called ' fatty' or ' round' by people who thought they had the right to comment on my size.   After a while, it wasn't just the binge eating which was distressing me, but also the decrease in my self image and self esteem.

Finally, 6 months later, I am finally on some medication which seems to help with my insulin resistance, sugar cravings and high cortisol levels. At last, my body feels like it is mine again and my depression has lifted dramatically.

I also would like to thank several of my lovely family and friends ( you know who you are) who didn't judge me and held my hand through this entire process. Thank you for 'babysitting' me in the evenings or calling me regularly to see how I was coping.

In conclusion, what I have learned from this process is never to judge anyone for their weight gain. I experienced first had how people can be judgemental against others who they perceive to be overweight or greedy.   . I also have a new found respect for anyone who suffers from an eating disorder and understand the pain that they are going through.

Community Spirit

2010-09-18T15:38:00.000+10:00

A couple of weeks ago, as I walked past my local hospital, I noticed a man ahead of me, collapse in the street and fall to his knees, obviously in distress.

What was equally as distressing was watching the 20 or so people who looked the other way, crossed over the road or simply ignored the man.

Thankfully,   I was able to assist him and managed to get him the help he needed. He was very grateful for my help and informed me that he had been on his way to visit a friend in hospital when he had taken a bit of a turn.

However, I am not ashamed to admit that this whole incident left me feeling angry and frustrated.   At what point did it become OK to ignore another human being who was in trouble?   Are we just too busy these days to stop and give someone else 5 minutes of our time?

Why do we close our hearts to the plight of other people assuming that someone else will take care of it?

Do we assume that they don't need our help or do we just make excuses to ourselves that they could be homeless or a drunk which justifies our decision not to help them?

The following week, while on my morning walk, I also observed a gentleman fall from his bike at a busy junction. Yet again, nobody offered to help him - quite the opposite in fact as commuters in their cars were angrily hooting their horns or trying to find a way to get past him in the busy morning traffic.   The man was obviously shaken and upset.

I discussed these situations with several of my clients in the following weeks and I was really happy to hear them make a commitment to taking on an extra action step from their coaching session. This extra step involved helping somebody in their own life. In most cases, this was often an individual who they knew deep down needed some help, but they had stuck their head in the sand and hadn't actually got round to doing something about it.

I wonder, could you join them this month by putting yourself out to assist someone who really needs your help?

Blessings xx

Bag Lady

2010-08-15T13:20:00.000+10:00

As I get older, I am getting seriously concerned that I am turning into a bag lady. I no longer spend hours in the bathroom slapping on the war paint while desperately trying to straighten my curly hair with the GHD’s.

The fact is, I seem to have gone the other way and am dangerously dipping my toe into the ‘do not give a flying ****’ space. Last week, I actually wore blue tights instead of black purely because I couldn’t be arsed spending 5 minutes digging through my knickers’ drawer trying to find an elusive clean pair of 100 denier black tights.

On a particular windy day last week, I found myself walking to the office wearing a flowery skirt, black and white checked coat, pink hat and brown woolly gloves. Just to polish of my look, I was also wearing my favourite pink sparkly wellies due to the fact they are just really ‘comfy’.

On stepping into my favourite coffee shop, the barista commented on how ‘colourful’ I looked. Needless to say, I really didn’t give a damn and just carried on my merry way, latte in hand.

At what point in my life did comfy replace sexy? When did it become common place to find me wearing my PJ’s and worn out slippers at 7pm rather than my sexy killer heels?

This did start me thinking – have I given up on myself or is it that I have lost the need to worry about what people really think of me?

Have I at last shaken the need to change my chameleon personality just to please other people or am I just a lazy cow?

Therefore, this week I have decided to make more of an effort. I will no longer save my favourite clothes, undies or perfume for a special occasion and I shall make a special effort to make myself feel good about myself. After all, if I don’t treat myself as special, who else will?

2010-07-31T13:29:00.000+10:00

I feel a tad stuck in my life at the moment and I am finding it very difficult to shake things up and find the momentum I so desperately need to fire myself up and make some long overdue changes. The thing is, I can't decide what decision to make so have decided not to make one yet.

Looking at my goals, I reckon I have completed over 60% of them but still find two of them ( and obviously the two most important) firmly out of my reach. Oh, I have undoubtedly made progress in these areas but seem to find myself somewhat rooted half way up the ladder of success. This has been getting me down recently so I have decided, rather than sit around and feel sorry for myself, I will shake things up and change some things in my external world for a change. My options are as follows:

1) After ten years in Australia, is it time to return to the family in good old England?

2) Do I be sensible and spend all my hard earned savings on a property in the UK rather than here in Australia?

3) Do I blow all my savings ( again) by giving up the life I currently lead and go on (yes, yet another) massive trip round the world volunteering and generally bumming around embracing new experiences?

Up to a year ago, I think I honestly had a good idea of what my life purpose was and it involved coaching, healing and writing books. However, 12 months on, I am really not so sure!

Finding our life’s purpose is one of those things my coaching clients often engage my assistance in. I usually give them the following blurb:

• Your purpose is your heart and souls guiding direction for life

• You were born with a unique talent and a distinctive way of expressing it

• Your life purpose is often hidden by day to day living. The problem is that your life got a little complicated and you forgot what you intended to do. Look at what you enjoyed doing as a child ( and no, I don't mean giving your little brother a Chinese burn).

• Your life purpose may not be career specific.

• Your life purpose will benefit others and in time, the greater good

• Your goals are necessary stepping stones to help you fulfil your true purpose

• When you concentrate on your life purpose, you develop a clear vision for success

• A definite purpose is one of the clearest and brightest roads to health.

If you find yourself interested in finding your life purpose, I have put together some simple suggestions from people who have now found their purpose in life and are now living the life of their dreams. Be inspired to follow your heart and discover what you have been put on this world to do!

I think for once, I may also need to take my own advice on this one…………………….

1) Listen to your inner voice and intuition. Practice listening to your heart and what makes your heart sing. This can take practice and your passion will often come as an event which reminds you of what is important and what makes you happy.

2) Recognise if you feel stuck or on ground hog day. Does your job make you happy or does it feel like a grind? Are you spending your free time on something which makes your heart sing? Take some time to look at your happiness. If you are feeling unfulfilled do more things which make your flame roar and your heart sing. Write a list of 50 things which make you happy and try to do at least one every day.

3) Keep an open mind and be open to possibilities. Create happiness instead of chasing it. Explore your life and try new things. Unearth all of the things which bring you joy.

4) ‘Act independently of the good opinion of other people’ (Wayne Dyer). Sometimes following your heart and life purpose means tuning out the voices of the world and other people in your life and going against the opinion of other people. Take a leap and trust in yourself and your dreams. Trust that all will be ok!

5) Make a choice in what sort of person you wish to be. Rather than concentrating on what you want to do, focus on who you want to be. How do you want to feel? What sort of person do you want to be? Let these choices be your guide and make decisions based on what sort of person you want to be.

6) Trust in change. Difficult times and change are a natural part of life. Try not to resist change. Be open to new experiences and let go of the old.

7) Release old regrets. It is easy to regret the time that you have spent being unhappy. Realise that everything happens for a reason and during this time you would have learned some valuable lessons and skills you needed to know to move on. It is just as important to know what you don’t want as it is to know what you do want.

8) Take baby steps. Take action to move out of your comfort zone. Be prepared to make some changes. Don’t just think about it – do it!

9) Find patience. Finding your life purpose may not happen overnight. Take small steps to allow your purpose to grow.

Happiness

2010-07-11T15:06:00.000+10:00

I really can be a miserable sod sometimes.   It is not like I plan to be miserable, it is just that sometimes I wake up with a big black cloud over my head for no apparent reason.   On these days, people are wise to give me a wide berth and allow me to wallow in my own private cave of self pity for a while.

EVERYONE annoys me on my irritable days.   The coffee man who usually makes me smile becomes a sad git and the work colleague who makes me laugh is given ' one of my looks' to warm them to back off and leave me alone.

Even I annoy myself on these dark days, and will often find myself looking despairingly in the mirror or spending time comparing myself unfavourably with others.

Last week however, I was fortunate enough to bump into an old neighbour of mine who I hadn't seen for over 15 years.   In this time, she had unfortunately had both her legs removed due to diabetes.    Feeling a little awkward, I simply asked her how she was doing.

She replied ' I am fabulous, I woke up this morning to the sound of the birds chirping and the sun shining - isn't it a beautiful day'

Feck...didn't I feel like an ungrateful grumpy old trout? There was I whinging about the fact that I had put on a few kilo's where here was somebody seeing the bright side of life even after losing both her legs.

It did make me think how lucky I was. At least I had the choice to do something about the extra kilo's - I still had my legs so I could go to the gym! How lucky was I?

It also reminded me how easy it was to always compare ourselves with people who we believe have more than us, or in someway we believe are more fortunate than us.    Why is it that we don't spend any time looking at how fortunate we are?   The fact is, most of us have a roof above our head and food in our cupboards, which is a lot more than many people!

So, dragging myself out of my cave, I decided to write a list of things I felt grateful for. My list looked something like this:

I am grateful for:

My family and friends
My job and fabulous clients
That I have food in the cupboard
That I have people to turn to when I need support
That I have money in the bank
That I am healthy
That I am able to take care of myself
That I have shoes and clothes to wear
That I have people in life who love me
That I have access to clean water and health care

All simple stuff eh?   But the next time you find yourself dwelling on what you don't have, spend ten minutes focusing on what you DO have....it may just snap you out of a bout of the grumps!

The Dogs Dinner

2010-06-06T16:23:00.000+10:00

Picture the scene. There I was, dressed up like a dogs dinner, warpaint on, standing in the corner of one of Sydney's more trendy nightspots feeling pretty damn good about myself when all of a sudden, Miss bloody Universe ( or she could have been) struts by leaving me feel like an ugly old troll who had been dragged through a hedge backwards.

All my good feelings about my appearance, hot new frock and killer heels disappeared down the plug hole and were replaced instantly by a yucky old 'friend' - that toxic and totally unhelpful INFERIOR feeling.

The truth is, that we are all liable to feel inferior to another person at some time. This can show up in the fact that we may feel like a fat old bird, dumb, not as attractive, rich, popular or ‘ less than’ another person or group of people . When we feel like this, we look at others in our lives as being ‘ better than us’ in some way.

Another down side of feeling inferior is that we often believe that people see us as being inferior too. In our own minds we end up convincing ourselves not only that we are inferior but we also end up believing that every other bugger who crosses our path is also looking down at us and giving us the ‘ not good enough' label.

When I first moved to Sydney, this feeling often used to creep up on me, restricting me from trying something new or taking a risk. I remember avoiding a really pretentious bar for years purely because I used to think ' ‘ I can’t go there, I won’t fit in’ or I was too worried that other people would judge me.

The truth of the matter is, there really is no point trying to be like somebody else! Of course there will be times in life when people may be smarter, prettier, thinner etc than us – but it does not mean that we are inferior to them or they are better than us. In actual fact, nobody is either inferior or superior to us. We are all unique snowflakes in this world, each of us with our own special looks and talents – so why keep yourself small by trying to be like someone else – you are wonderful just the way you are – warts and all!

There is no one who is better than us – nobody on this planet – we are just different. Putting ourselves down does not serve us nor does it serve the world! The universe does not believe in similarity. Each one of us has our own unique quality or feature.

Here are some hints and tips for letting go of feeling inferior:

1. Write a list of all your wonderful qualities. E.g. Are you friendly, loyal, generous, helpful…write them all down! The key is to get busy focus on your strengths, not your weaknesses!

2. Try this affirmation ‘ I am neither inferior or superior to anyone’ or ‘ I have many fabulous qualities’. Repeat this at least ten times a day.

3. The next time you find yourself feeling inferior to anyone – ask yourself ‘ Would you REALLY swap your life for this person’s life?’ Would you really want to let go of everything in your life to have what this person has?

My bill of rights

2010-05-27T21:38:00.000+10:00

I have this really annoying habit sometimes of making sure that everyone and his dog is happy before remembering to look after my own needs. I am getting better I must admit, but sometimes I have to remind myself that I have the same bloody basic rights as everyone else and do not always have to have the smallest slice of cake or end up forking out for the cab fare home just because every other bugger is skint ( or drunk).

So why do we often end up believing that other people deserve to be treated better than we do? Why do we end up often being a bit of a martyr but deep down seething that we have allowed someone else to treat us like a freaking doormat? Why do we swallow our words when someone is rude to us or takes credit for the work that we have done? Why do we think that it is more important that other people are happy than making ourselves happy? Why do we treat others with nice words and encouragement yet we criticise ourselves and beat ourselves up with a big fat hairy stick?

One of the neat little tricks that I use to prevent me from walking all over my own needs is to remind myself of my own Bill of Rights. I stick this up on my wall as a reminder to validate my own needs, opinions, and boundaries with other people effectively. It also is a great reminder to stand up for myself without violating the rights of other people.

MY PERSONAL BILL OF RIGHTS

1) I have the right to say what is on my mind

2) I have the right to be happy or sad

3) I have the right to express my own opinions and beliefs

4) I have the right to change my mind

5) I have the right not to make a decision until I am ready to do so

6) I have the right to say ‘ I don’t understand’

7) I have the right to say ‘ yes’ or ‘ no’ without explaining myself

8) I have the right to feel ALL my emotions

9) I have the right to accept or decline help without undue shame, anxiety or guilt

10) I have the right to decline responsibility for other peoples problems

11) I have the right to change my mind if I feel like it

12) I have the right to be illogical in making decisions

13) I have the right to my own time

14) I have the right to say ‘ I don’t care’

15) I have the right to set my own rules and priorities

16) I have the right to be listened to, and taken seriously

17) I have the right to make mistakes

18) I have the right to my own friends and acquaintances and how and when to spend time with them. I may, but don’t have to, justify these choices to others

19) I have the right to choose if, when and how to respectfully tell others how their actions are affecting me and to take responsibility for doing so

20) I have the right to take all the time I need to evaluate and make important life decisions. If this stresses other people, they are responsible for asserting their needs and I am responsible for balancing them with mine

21) I have the right to distinguish between who other people SAY I AM, and WHO I REALLY AM

22) I have the right to choose how and when to fill my needs, even if my choices conflict with other people’s values or wishes.

23) I have the right to decide if and when, I choose to forgive my mistakes or anyone else’s mistakes.

Goal Setting

2010-05-19T15:46:00.000+10:00

As I am stuck in the house ( and more importantly, close to the bathroom) due to boring sickness, I have spent this rainy Sydney day, in my PJ's writing myself some new inspirational goals.

Many people groan when the hear the word ‘ Goal Setting’ as it seems a unnecessary and dull process. I promise you, goal setting can also be fun. Really, it can!

I remember a few years ago helping a friend write a goal which was all about finding some random bloke she had pashed on a drunken night out and had lost his phone number. ( Who said goal setting had to be serious?) If my memory serves me right, she knew bugger all about him apart from the fact that his name was Steve, he was some sort of builder and lived in Coogee.

Anyway, if the truth be told, she never actually run into THE elusive Steve again, but for the next four weeks met over ten blokes, called Steve, who lived in the Coogee area and worked in the building industry ;0).  Seriously, she was surrounded by them and it actually started to get a little freaky.

So goal setting really does work although as in the case  above, it does help to be as specific as possible!

Goal setting will also help to keep you motivated. It will increase your chances of long term success and will also assist in keeping you on track on a daily basis. It is also a process, you may be glad to hear, which involves sitting down for 30 minutes and no rigorous exercise.

Ready? Pick up a pen and make yourself comfortable.

Step 1 – Choose an area of your life that you would like to set a goal in. This could be anything from relationships, health, family, friendships, finances etc. Now write down what you are NOT happy with when it comes to this area of your life.

Health Example: Overweight, lack of motivation to exercise, clothes too tight, insufficient time / energy to exercise, eating too much junk food, eating between meals, find it difficult to stick to your weight loss program.

Emotional Example – Worry what people think. Feel guilty. Lack of confidence. Just don’t feel happy with life.

Financial Example – In debt, lack of savings, waste too much money, don’t earn enough money.

Step 2 – Write down how you REALLY would like things to be! Don’t hold back – Go for your perfect outcome!

Health Example: Lose 10kg easily, feel motivated to exercise, find it easy to eat healthy meals, feeling great inside and out, look and feel fabulous and sexy.

Emotional Example: Feel confident, speak up for myself, happy in who I am, love and accept myself. Loving Life!

Financial Example: Save $100 per week, stick to my budget, pay rise of $$$ per month

Step 3 : Set a realistic date for when you want to achieve your goal.

Step 4 : Write a goal using positive language and make it exciting! Try to be as specific as you can. E.g. Include target weight and desired weight loss amount / amount you want to save etc.

Health Goal Example: It is December 1st 2010 and I am so happy now that I have achieved my target goal weight of 75kg. I found really easy to lose 10kg and I love the way I now look and feel. I have plenty of energy and time in my day to exercise and enjoy working out at least 3 times a week for a minimum of 40 minutes. I feel so confident and I love looking at myself in the mirror admiring my new body shape. I find it so easy to both cook and eat healthy meals. I look and feel fantastic!

Emotional Goal example: It is November 23rd 2010 and I feel so happy and light. My self esteem is growing every day and I feel very confident in all situations. I am assertive and honour my emotions. I love and accept myself and always take time to nurture and take care of myself. I never beat myself up but always speak kindly and lovingly to myself and others. I look forward to what every day brings.

Financial Goal: It is Nov 2010 and I find it easy to save over $100 per week. My salary is 150k per year and I love what I do. I have cleared all of my debt easily and feel so free and liberated. I love sticking to my budget and enjoy watching my savings grow. I give and receive money easily and my money works hard for me.

Step 4 - Visualise!

When you have written your goal, take time to visualise. Sit quietly and imagine how your life is now that you have achieved your goal. How do you look and feel? See yourself with a big happy smile on your face!

Step 5 – Read your goal every day

Try laminating your goal and placing it in the shower where you can read it at least once a day. The more you read it, the more you will achieve it.

Step 6 – Use positive thoughts.

Try repeating the following statements first thing in the morning or while you are working out. Repeated positive statement will help dispel any negative thoughts you have about yourself and will support the achievement of your goals.

• I deserve to achieve my goal and I accept it now

• I find it easy to exercise three times a week

• I am my perfect weight

• I can do it!

• I am relaxed and stress free

• My self esteem is growing every day

• I am debt free

• I save money easily

• I love and approve of myself

Remember too that your goals will change as time goes on so make sure you adjust them on a regular basis.

Step 7 - TAKE ACTION!!!! Look at your goal and work out what steps you can take to achieve you goal. Set yourself mini targets of things you can achieve each week.

Health Example – Get gym membership, plan meals, only have healthy foods in house, Join fitness club / weight watchers, leave work early and exercise.

Emotional Example – Practise affirmations, do a course, read a self esteem book, meditate, do exercise, do one nice thing for self every day

Financial Example – Set up a savings account and direct debit, set self a budget, update resume, speak to manager about what you can do to obtain pay rise.

It's time to go............

2010-05-08T14:36:00.000+10:00

Up until recently, I proudly and frequently wore my ‘ I am a nice person’ T shirt, falling over myself to help other people. In a previous blog, I mentioned my quest to stop being such a bloody nice person and ditch, once and for all, this ‘disease to please’

I was still wearing this T shirt a few months ago when I rushed to assist a friend of mine who was suffering from an unexpected illness. Like the good Florence Nightingale I am, I ran frantically to her bedside, spent hours chatting with her about her problems and rushed home each evening to wrap her up in cotton wool and generally look after her emotional and physical needs. Yes, it was exhausting, I must admit, but somewhere deep inside of me, I was worried that if I didn’t do it – that I wouldn’t be seen as being ‘ a nice friend ’ to this person. What ‘ nice’ meant to me’ was being accommodating and obedient to her peoples wishes.

However, the tables were turned several weeks later when it was ME who found myself unexpectedly in hospital for 5 days. I am also not proud to admit, that there was a part of me who expected that the same friend, would return the favor, and help me out in my time of need. I admit, there were moments when I found myself thinking "Surely I'm entitled to something after all I've done for them." The truth of the matter was, that this person was too busy to come for a visit.

Ouch – that hurt!

Being a coach, I was eager to dig a little deeper into my feelings so I started to recall how much the disease to please had cost me in the past and how much it was costing me now. It was slightly disturbing how much effort I had put into gaining this persons approval in the hope that they may like me and see me as a good and caring person!

I also realised how much resentment and disappointment I was holding against this person as I had continually allowed them to disappoint me and let me down for most of the life of our friendship. It made me think of the Law of Diminishing Returns. This is a basic law which goes like this’ The more you do the more other people will expect of you, and the less you get in return’ The result of this law is that you can often end up having your own feelings totally disregarded. …. . After all, 'you must enjoy it or you wouldn't do it'.

Importantly, I also realised how bad this relationship was for me but I had continued to allow it to carry on as I didn’t want to hurt the other persons feelings. I had also continued to seek her approval in the hope that her behaviour towards me may change. Interesting eh – I didn’t want to hurt HER feelings, but I had allowed myself to be hurt and disappointed by this persons actions for over 10 years.

The downside is that I may lose this person out of my life as I stop running myself ragged to service. It also means I will never have their approval but hey, I am fine with that. I am switching from pleasing other people, to happily pleasing myself!

Caffeine Fix

2010-04-21T14:20:00.000+10:00

In the absence of a decent man to get me started in the morning, I have resorted to the next best thing, a large take away Soy Latte.
My coffee companion gives me such joy as it lovingly grasps my hand as we take a leisurely walk through Hyde Park each morning on our way to the office. This is a most pleasant part of my day and a time, over the years which has led to preventing many early morning grumps.

Last week however, I decided to take some time out and treat myself to a 6 day stay at a relaxation retreat. Having dipped my toe into several different retreat experiences over the years, I decided to avoid the 5.30am start type of retreat ( twice I had escaped from these types of retreat in search of a hamburger and chips) and treat myself to a more leisurely, rejuvenating escape. ( or so the website promised).

However, on arrival at my new home for the next 6 days, I suspected that I had become an extra in ‘ Life on Mars’ and was in fact, stuck in some sort of 70’s time warp.

Reminding myself that ‘ everything happens for a reason’ and to ‘ take the positives from the experience’, I refrained from hopping on the next train back to civilisation and decided to make the best of my little holiday. I even managed to refrain from zapping out my Scorpio tail, when I later discovered the really freaking annoying bell
(situated outside of my bedroom) which was rang every 90 mins or so warning everyone within a 5k radius that the next activity was due to begin.

On Day 2, I sat down to breakfast eagerly searching for my daily caffeine fix. Noticing it’s absence, I requested a large mug of coffee. Imagine my reaction when I was informed:

‘ We don’t allow coffee here, only fruit tea’.

OMG, not only was I stuck in the middle of nowhere, but I was expected to stay calm and relaxed WITHOUT my morning caffeine fix. I tried begging, screaming, crying and even resorted to bribing the resort owners but nothing worked. I also became extremely defensive when after stamping my feet and holding my breath for the second time, I was accused of being a caffeine addict!!!! Me…I caffeine addict I protested….I only have one a day ;0). Needless to say, nothing worked and coffee simply was not on the menu.

I returned to my room and finally took the only other option I had could think of apart from doing a runner. I asked my angels to intervene and assist me in my quest to rendezvous with my latte love. I also searched frantically for some sort of voodoo doll which resembled the resort owner.

Anyway, after 2 hours of sulking, I decided to join the others for a bush walk. Not wanting to be shown up by the youngsters, I decided to follow their lead and take a rather large jump between two rocks. Needless to say, my arthritic knees gave way and I ended up squashed between the two bloody rocks nursing a rather sore back and even more painful arm.

As a result, I was dragged to the nearest hospital for an x ray which, luckily enough was situated right next to the hospital coffee shop. It was a good job it was only my arm which was hurt as I positively sprinted to the counter to place my order for my favourite friend!

Thank you angels for answering my request – even if your methods were a little extreme!

Voice of Doom

2010-04-04T14:10:00.000+10:00

Having put on a rather surprising few extra kilo's since giving up the evil weed last November, I decided to attend a trendy new salsa class last week in the hope that the ever increasing spare tyre around my waistline would disappear in time for my holiday next week. Quite understandably, I had a few butterflies in my belly due to giving Salsa a go for the first time.

Anyway, a couple of glasses of red beforehand did the trick as I soon started to relax, shaking my booty around the dance floor. ( ok, Church hall), tripping the light fantastic.

Then...all of a sudden, my head was filled with this miserable dark sombre voice:

‘You are a failure. Give up now. You'll never be able to do this. Everyone else is so much better than you. Look, they are laughing at you. You can't do anything right. You are worthless’

Fortunately, as a coach, I was able to identify and acknowledge this miserable little critter as being the voice of my negative belief system. This voice of doom aimed to extinguish all my positive feelings about my new dance moves quicker than a starving cheater chasing his Chrimbo dinner. Arriving uninvited, this despondent little voice aims to get me to give up trying and jeopardises any attempts I may make to improve my life, and feel better about myself..

Basically, buying into this voice would have left me feeling like a worthless lump of cockroach poo. Just like my ex boyfriend, it is an arrogant little so-and-so and it has an answer for everything ;0) (Note, a wrong answer).

Fortunately, on this occasion, the red wine had kicked in and forced me to laugh at this voice, thanking it for its visit but sending it on its merry little way. Fortunately, this time, I could see it for what it was - just an old mouldy thought which could be changed. Just an old thought which didn't serve me nor add value to my life. It wasn't me - it was just a thought.

However, it did make me think about how many times I had taken notice of this voice and listened to its toxic words. How many times had I decided not to try something new due to the fear of making a fool of myself? How many times had I listened to this voice believing it to be true instead of recognising what it really was? Just how long had I allowed this voice to run the show?

Considering the majority of our key beliefs are formed when we are children it seems crazy that most of us are still believing them to be true. Isn’t it time we blew the whistle on this old bag of baloney fiction and modernise our belief system to match the amazing fabulous people we are today?

The Rescuer

2010-03-26T12:43:00.000+11:00

Yes, I admit it - I am a rescuer.   In the past, I have spent endless hours on little human
'rescue projects' all to make myself feel worthwhile and important.  There is nothing I enjoyed more that charging in on my white horse with a box of tissues to save any poor individual who happened to need a little bit of love and support.

Playing this role however has cost me dearly in the past so this year I decided to throw out the mask of the people pleaser and first and foremost, start to rescue myself.    As previously mentioned, I am no longer that ' Nice person' who over steps her own boundaries and allows other people to walk all over her.

One of the most interesting parts of this journey is realising how much I allowed other people to control or rescue me in the past.   Learning to teach others that they no longer need to treat me like this is now becoming an interesting pastime - one of which I have not yet perfected!

Take last Saturday for example, there I am, having a few beers over lunch when a well meaning friend piped up ' Lisa, Why have you still got your sunglasses on?'

Between mouthfuls of food I replied ' Because I like to keep them on and the sun can irritate my contact lenses'

Now, you would think that is the end of the matter wouldn't you? Nope.......
So my friend continued ' Well, take them off, nobody else is wearing their sunglasses'

Now, the old Compliant Lisa would have just removed her sunglasses in order not to upset her friend. I would have then spent the rest of the bloody meal squinting into my BLT and perhaps 'accidently' kicking my well meaning friend under the table with my 6inch heels.

The new Lisa however, is slightly more assertive and is learning to stand up for herself a little more.     Therefore, I replied ' Sod off and mind your own bloody business, if I want to wear my sunglasses, I bloody well will, bugger off and stop telling me what to do you stupid tart'

Ummm, ok, maybe I haven't yet mastered the calm assertive response but hey, life is about balance and after spending so many years wearing the passive doormat mask, it would make sense that I have to experience the other end of the scale first.
Therefore, I will sit with the  grumpy angry mask until it becomes time for me to settle into that assertive middle of the road seat!

Let's hope it comes soon before I lose all my friends........

Desperate

2010-03-13T16:17:00.000+11:00

Sydney seems to hold an abundance of single beautiful women. Many of which ( including myself) can often be found drinking latte’s and complaining to anyone who will listen about the perceived shortage of good men. I say good men, as this week, I have become rather shocked at the lengths some chicks will go to, to attract or hold onto ‘ a bloke' even if he really isn’t that good or interested.

Ladies, at what stage did we decide that our needs were less important than anyone else’s? At what point did it become OK to accept less that we deserve? When did our need to be approved of become so great that we turn into a either a needy limpet or a bunny boiling control freak? Just what lengths will we go to in order to receive a biscuit crumb of love instead of insisting on the whole big delicious chocolate biscuit?

Don’t get me wrong, I am not sitting here in my ivory tower pointing the big blame finger. In the past, I have defo been guilty of a period of co-dependent behavior and selling my soul in order to be liked or approved of ( ok, even for the chance of a decent shag at the end of the night).

Let’s take my friend Sally for example. She has a crush on a guy (Let’s call him Mike) who works in her office block. She instant messages him at least ten times a day and scrutinizes every reply she receives back. In the past two weeks, she has dragged me down to his local pub at least four times ‘ just in case’ he is in there. She has also purchased 5 new pair of shoes and 3 new outfits in readiness of Mike actually asking her out on a date. This has been going on for 4 months.

Or there is my friend Anita who, after having two dates with an Italian Chef, has taken to calling him at least 5 times a day and stalking him with SMS in order to find out when they are next catching up. When he doesn’t return her calls, she makes excuses for him and tells everyone he must be busy making pasta. She talks about him incessantly and how much she hopes HE likes her. Ummmm, what about her making sure that HE is good enough for HER?

The scary thing is that 90% of my friends, like myself have moved here from overseas.

Sometimes I do wonder that, due to not having our close family and friends around, that we become starved of love and therefore willing to be grateful for any sort of love and affection which comes our way. This in turn, makes us desperate to be loved.

In my work working with abused women in Sydney, I find most of my clients have no close family in Australia. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

So ladies, for your own respect – change your mind set and focus on respecting yourself. There are many fabulous men out there who are available. The only thing us ladies need to do first is to remember how fabulous WE are.

Remember, life is like a mirror. If you respect yourself, you will be respected. If you believe yourself to be worthy of healthy amazing love, you will receive it. However, if you act like a door mat, do not be surprised if you are treated like one.

SAD

2010-03-05T15:23:00.001+11:00

I am officially getting old. Not only do I hit 40 this year (note – currently hitting mid life crisis) but I have developed Rheumatoid arthritis in all of my joints and if I am honest, this news is not exactly making me jump around with glee.

It started in my hands and, in the past 4 weeks, this pesky little disease has travelled to my knees, neck and feet. I am not happy and it hurts! It hurts a lot!

(Sympathy please!) It also hurts that my disco dancing days may well and truly be over!

Not only does it hurt physically, but also emotionally as the reality of living with this disease starts to really hit home. Apparently, over 60% of arthritis sufferers suffer with depression and I can totally understand why.

I must admit, my ego is hurting as well. Having being used to being a fairly sporty individual, I find myself forced to take a more tortoise like routine which involves plenty of gentle stretching and teetering around like 90 year old snail.

In addition to being under the supervision of a Rheumatologist, I have also decided to take a holistic view to solving the problem which includes acupuncture and engaging the services of a rather hot and tasty naturopath. Of course, being a Life Coach, I am also busy exploring why I have managed to manifest this lousy little dis-ease into my body in the first place!

One of the biggest realisations in this process is the sad fact of how really ALONE I really am living in Sydney. Unfortunately, I don’t have the luxury of calling my Mum or Sister to see if they will give me a hand with the shopping or the comforting knowledge that I can call a few lifetime friends to give me a hand packing for my immanent house move. Don’t get me wrong, I do have good friends out in Australia but the sheer size of the country and the fact that many of my friends live over 30mins drive away can make things a little difficult. Is this part of city living perhaps?

I guess this is the price I have chosen to pay for living in this amazing city but at ‘sad’ times like these, I do wonder if I have done the right thing.

Right now…..I just would love a hug from my Mum and a few beers down Witherspoons with some special Corby friends xx

FEAR GAME

2010-02-26T15:02:00.002+11:00

This week, in the absence of any major emotional trauma, I decided to play the FEAR game.

The objective of this game revolves around challenging myself to face up to as many scary little fears of mine as I possibly can, within the space of 7 days. My lovely assistant in this game happens to be a shiny little golf clicker which kindly awards me points ( or clicks), every time I successfully complete a fear challenge.

The amount of points awarded, directly correlates to how major I believe the fear to be.

Now, one would think that jumping out of a perfectly good plane or bungee jumping would earn me maximum points. However, this is not the case. The fear with the maximum reward this week, was in fact, taking a shower at the CBD Fitness First gym.

Now, I have been going to this gym for over 2 years but, as yet, have not yet summoned up the courage to get my kit off in front of all the stick insects and stand in the queue for a shower. The very thought of this gave me heart palpitations and would set of a whole flood gate of negative thoughts which included:

1) What if I get lost on my way to the shower?

2) Where do I put my locker key card?

3) Do I wear my towel to the shower or do I take it with me?

4) How do I shut the shower door?

5) Do I bring my own shower gel or is it provided?

6) What do I do with my knickers when I get into the shower?

This fear has resulted in the following actions:

1) Getting up at 6am to suss out the showers before anyone else arrived

2) Walking 15 minutes out of my way to shower in the office

3) Running into the nearest chemist to purchase flowery body spray to cover up my bag lady aroma

4) Beating myself up with a big stick for not being good enough to overcome this fear years ago

The good news is that I DID IT! Seriously, I felt like notifying Hollywood. The breaking news is that taking the shower, was a far less bloody stressful than not taking it. Seriously, when I look back on how much stress I caused myself by avoiding taking the shower, it is totally bonkers!

The good news is that by the end of this week, I had managed to strike out ten fears which had been holding me back. Ok, they may not have been huge, but they were having an impact on my life and overall, making it smaller. Not facing them, had also become an excuse for beating myself up.

So, how about you give the fear game a go this week? Remember, points mean prizes!

Assertiveness Naughty or Nice?

2010-02-19T16:35:00.002+11:00

THE BAD NEWS ………………I USED to be a NICE girl.

One of the disadvantages of being a nice girl is that you often allow people treat you like a bloody doormat. You also end up exhausted or resentful as you spend the majority of your time placing everyone else’s needs before your own. As a nice girl, I have also sold my soul on several occasions in order to gain love and approval and would suffer trolley loads of toxic guilt if I, heaven forbid, inadvertently upset another human being.

Being nice is a very expensive habit. Some of the more designer ‘nice’ items I have purchased include:

1) 5 years in an abusive relationship

2) 6 months of stress while being bullied at work by a mad psychopath

3) Ripped off and taken advantage of by people

4) I have also been ‘stalked’ by 4 different men over the years, none of which I ever told to bugger off! (nice girls don’t upset anyone remember!)

This doesn’t include the times I have agreed to do things I didn’t really want to do, failed to honour my own feelings and emotions and generally carried on living my life with the firm conviction that everybody else’s needs and opinions were faaaaaaaaaaaaaar more important than my own.
THE GOOD NEWS……The universe has decided (along with some assistance from nicotine withdrawals) that it is time for me to own my nasty (and not so nice) assertive side.

This NEW ME started to manifest about Christmas time 2009 and, within a few weeks, it had really had become a tad feisty!

It’s work has included:

1) Arguments with three friends and four family members

2) Informing at least 5 people that I didn’t appreciate the way they spoke to me (one of which is still giving me the cold shoulder)

3) Complaining in 3 different shops / restaurants about poor service or products

4) Informing one male colleague that if he continued to call me at 6am, I would personally rip his balls off.

Don’t get me wrong, entertaining this assertive part in my body was really quite SCARY. Let’s face facts, I didn’t actually invite this part to visit after all. In fact, when it first came to stay I tried everything in my power to send it away – I even offered it a free cruise in the Caribbean. I didn’t like this assertive side. It just wasn’t me. I didn’t like the way it made me feel. Having it around make me feel VERY uncomfortable.
AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH PANIC - What if people didn’t think I was NICE anymore?

2 months on however, I am glad to say that things are looking quite different. I have become rather fond of this feisty little part and there is NO WAY I am going back to being that nice girl! I am now quite happy to balance both the bitch and the nice!

Tapping into this super duper action part has allowed me to:

1) Inform others how I would like them to treat me

2) Speak up when people insult me or overstep my boundaries

3) Let other people know what is both acceptable and not acceptable to me

4) Release people from my life who no longer support me or add to my positive energy

5) Feel safe in the fact that I can indeed, take good care of myself; and

6) Honour my own feelings and emotions.

So, to all you NICE PEOPLE out there who may be suffering with the DISEASE TO PLEASE, try inviting your very own little assertive side to visit. Although it feels a bit strange at first, I guarantee that you will invite it to stay! I promise, people won’t love you any less but they will respect you more! And those who don’t, let them go.

The Dark Side

2010-02-12T16:03:00.000+11:00

Following on from my earlier blog, I can indeed confirm that I have well and truly shaken the bag. The truth of the matter is that I have actually shaken the bag so hard that it split and I fell out and landed with an unceremonious thump on the pavement floor.

The universe has a nasty way of ensuring 'balance' sometimes. In one night I managed to remove my mask of non drinking, yoga doing, PJ wearing, high vibration light worker and exchange it for an favourite old mask of mine, the drunk, flirty, staggering into bed at 4am, wino.

Mind you, I had a great time and it was a timely reminder of the importance of balancing both sides of our personalities. Personally, I found my trip to the dark side to be rather good fun - even if my poor head didn't feel the same the following day. ( The guilt side of my personality also kept appearing after I failed miserably to turn up at the office).

I have a few distant memories of the evening which included convincing the bar man with the double jointed elbows that he needed to appear ' Australia's got talent', telling a few random people that I was in actual fact a famous UK movie star and terrifying some poor navy guy to death when I informed him that his angels had a message for him from his dead Auntie Anna.

I also vaguely recall stuffing my face with a chicken pie at 2am, and paddling in the mini fountain at the bottom of my street around 3 am ish....

Oh well, it was fun but enough for this week. Now, where are my slippers and green tea?

Spiritual Folk

2010-02-05T18:52:00.000+11:00

I attended a fabulous inspirational gathering on Wednesday which was full of ' Spiritual Folk'. I love hanging out with other spiritual people, as they really are quite special and, in the nicest possible way, ever so slightly WIERD.

For me, one of the great things about spending time with likeminded folk is that nobody even raises an eye brow when you mention you had a chin wag with your angels while perched on the loo or tuned into your higher power in order to find your way to the nearest ATM.

The Attendees included Clairvoyants, Tarot Readers, Healers, Masseurs, Life Coaches and of course, the one's which scare me the most, the Food Nutritionists.

In a moment of rebellion, I imagine the groups reaction if they were to discover that only a few hours earlier, I had scoffed a large burger and chips, two packets of pickled onion monster munch, a box of maltersers and two glasses of merlot.

No doubt the healers would inform me that my eating habits show that I am subconsciously suppressing childhood emotions and trying to protect myself with layers of flab. The Life Coaches however, will persuade me that that I need to take action and write myself a goal based around healthy eating. The Nutritionists would give me a lecture on eating for my blood type and inform me that I need to replace my entire fridge contents with bottles of apple cider vinegar and leafy green vegetables.

Seriously, these gatherings are great and I did enjoy meeting ' Helen', the 72 year old Tantric sex teacher who told me ' Western Sex was so 80's!'

I want some of what she is having as she didn't look a day over 50!

2010-01-31T15:18:00.003+11:00

QY3XKRATWQVZ

Abuse

2010-01-30T15:35:00.003+11:00

Domestic Violence comes in many forms

I am happy to say, I’m an abusive relationship survivor. One who can now tell my story and help other abusive relationship sufferers recognise the destructive behaviours of their partner, and find the strength of Will to say, “No more!” and make it out of their situation not only alive, but FEELING alive.

Recognising an Abusive Relationship

An abusive relationship can rear its ugly head in a number of ways: Does your partner frequently criticise you, undermine your self esteem, and humiliate you. Do you hold your opinion back, for fear of ridicule, verbal or physical punishment for doing so? Have you been isolated from your family and friends and is your partner controlling your life, friendships, work or money? Is feeling powerless, fearful or dependant commonplace in your daily life? Is your self respect and self esteem all but withered under the shadow of their control? Emotional abuse may not always lead to physical abuse, but physical abuse in relationships is almost always pre-cursored by verbal abuse and emotional abuse.

Upcoming Interview on Abusive Relationships

I’m being interviewed on Thursday for 'The Difference TV Show' which is apparently a cross between Oprah and Parky. It’s a TV show about how we can all make a difference in this world. My chosen specialised subject is 'How you can love yourself enough to get out (and stay out) of an abusive relationship'. I must admit to feeling a tad nervous. The TV promotion states that my 6 minute interview is to be viewed by over 6 million people, and not only do I keep forgetting my lines, but I haven't got a clue what to wear. But at least now, what I wear is MY choice.

I say 'specialised' subject as it took me over seven painful attempts to get out and stay out of my 5 year relationship of emotional abuse and verbal abuse. Every day I did stay, I kissed goodbye to my sparkle, my self respect and most of all, my self esteem. After 5 years, my identity departed down the plughole and emotionally, I was a downright wreck.

However, the good news is that I did escape the clutches of that toxic twat and now thankfully, find myself in a position where I can assist other people by sharing my own healing journey out of that abusive relationship.

This journey includes taking small simple actions on a daily basis to build up your self esteem so eventually, you will love yourself enough, to not only accept healthy relationships in your life, but also to seek them out. Mind you, take it from me, it sounds easier than it is. (but a lot easier than experiencing the torture of an abusive relationship!)

Seriously, I take my hat off to people who are in an abusive relationship as they are really some of the most courageous people I have ever met. They are not weak, or cowards (as society may believe us to think) but they are just like you or I. Abuse isn't rare and it can happen to anyone. A recent survey showed that at least 1 in 4 adults have been abused within an intimate relationship - now that is scary!

This interview is the first step in getting my message out into the world. I can only hope, that by sharing this message, that I will assist other victims of abuse in an abusive relationship.

The second step is finishing my book which contains the simple actions an abuse victim can take, in order to step out of abuse, and into love.

So, wish me luck and please pray that I don't make a complete nincompoop of myself!

Lisa xx

Shaking the Bag

2010-01-26T14:34:00.003+11:00

I am BORED. If I get completly honest with myself, my usual sparkle and creative flair seems to have disappeared down the plughole and I am finding it increasingly difficult to motivate myself to do ANYTHING.

Unfortunately my book deadline is catching up with me and I still haven't perfected my speech for the rather scary TV interview I have to do next week. I have actually become, the Princess of Procrastination.

At first, I put it down to feeling a little overworked and jaded but the feeling does not subside. Seriously, it nags and niggles away at me and does not want to go away.

Although the easiest thing for me to do is stick my head in the sand, I am painfully aware that these feelings are indeed, a little poke in the ribs from the universe. I NEED TO GET A LIFE.

I, Lisa Phillips, have become stale and stuck in my ways at the ripe of age of 39. I haven't stayed out after 10pm for months and can't remember the last time I allowed my dark side to come out and party. During my last shopping trip back home to the UK, I actually bought more PJ's than party clothes.

Certainty and Variety are two ends of the scale and I have been firmly planted in the Certainty pile. These days I prefer my furry giraffe slippers to my sexy pair of ' shag me' heels.

It's official, I need to shake the bag up a bit.

Fortunatly, I am a good listener and start to take action which actually, causes that inner flame inside of me to begin to glow a little brighter.

By midday today, I am proud to declare that I have:

1) Set up three dinner dates with old friends
2) Organised a girlies single night out in the City (no smug marrieds allowed)
3)Booked myself onto an evening of speed dating in the 33-42 age group. ( Hopefully most of them will still be in possession of their own hair and own teeth)
4) Written a list of 100 things that make me happy and will complete at least one of them a day
5) Booked in for some serious waxing.

It feels good and I realise that if I want my life on the outside to be exciting, fun and loving - then I need to go about doing something about it on the inside.

Life is like a photocopier and what you do give out, you will get back!

We do not stop playing because we get old ! We get old because we stop playing !!! Ben Franklin

Test - please ignore!

2010-01-24T11:27:00.000+11:00

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Relationship Goals

2010-01-23T16:49:00.002+11:00

I didn't feel particulary spiritual at 3am this morning when a cheeky little random mosquito decided to chew off half my arm - However, on finally awakening at 9am, I decided to start the day with a bang with some creative visualisations, a couple of inspiring affirmations and a good old review of my goals for 2010.

In 2010 I have decided to set myself three goals:
Emotional ( Increase self esteem, put self first and quit beating myself up just because I am not a domestic goddess)
Career ( finish book, increase followers on blog and write more paying articles for magazines rather than being the poor unpaid expert)
Relationships ( Meet Life Partner and have some regular and great sex)

I must confess to feeling rather smug and confident about the achievement of the first two goals, but ever so slightly hopeless about the manifestation of the third. This is down to the fact that despite assisting hundreds of my clients to meet (and keep) their soulmate, I yet again, find myself desperate and dateless on a Saturday night.

In a nutshell, my love life stinks. Seriously, I am not sure if it could get any worse. I do actually feel the need to write a letter of complaint to the universe about this one as I admit, I do feel a little hard done by.

Not only have I extracted myself from a 5 year abusive relationship but I have worked my little lightworkers butt off reading relationship self help books, attending soulmate bootcamps and praying to my romance angels. I have spent probably thousand of hours healing my own mouldy emotional relationships patterns, surrendering to a higher power and learning to let go. However, despite all of this, I still find myself with my PJ's on at 6pm on a Saturday night tucking into a box of maltesers.

Yes, of course I know something is blocking my perfect bloke from just appearing in my life but please universe, could you sort this out for me quick as I am 40 in a few months and cobwebs are appearing!!!

Grumpy

2010-01-20T14:26:00.003+11:00

I am VERY Grumpy today.

I know I should do some positive affirmations, read my goals, take some exercise or at the very least be grateful for even taking a breath this morning, but I really can't be arsed. I am in a grump and decide to wallow in my own self pity for at least the next 24 hours.

I think my day started to go downhill when, after waking, I glanced in the mirror only to discover my hair was a blob of indescribable frizz. Now, previously this was a common morning occurrence in my household. However, just a few weeks ago, I forked out a small fortune to have the frizz chemically straightened with the promise that I would stay sleek, straight and totally unaffected by humidity for at least 3 months.

This revelation started a major tsunami of negative thoughts to hijack my mind including:

1)Great, this product works on everyone but me. I am so crap.
2)God I look so ugly
3)I am going to be single for the rest of my life
4) It is a good job I am single as I seriously could never have sex at a man's house and wake up next to him looking like this.
4)There is something fundamentally wrong with me and I am just some sort of reject in this life.

I allow the tragic victim voice of my negative belief system to flood my mind for the rest of the day so that I can sit, in the sun, scoffing large amounts of peanut butter on toast washed down with a large glass of Merlot.

Welcome!

2010-01-17T15:14:00.009+11:00

Welcome to the very first blog from the Spiritual ( and Irritable) Life Coach who doesn't always practice what she preaches.....

Sunday 19Th of January.

If you are not sure what a Life Coach actually does - let me take a few minutes of your time to explain. Basically, I spend my time encouraging fabulous but perhaps unmotivated, unhappy and damn right confused people on how to wave goodbye to their currently miserable existences and move forward to live the life they truly desire.

Coaching sessions also involve encouraging clients to finally let go of old mouldy belief patterns (that we all have, even if we don't want to admit it) such as feeling undeserving, worthless and totally and utterly unlovable. ( And all because someone else got to take the school hamster home over the weekend.)

I am the first to admit that the coaching process itself can be, somewhat barbaric. At the end of each session, clients are set large amounts of homework or action steps which aim to assist them in breaking free of old mouldy behaviour patterns and self sabotaging behaviours.
I say barbaric as one of my very favourite action steps aims to heal people of their fear of rejection and involves being forced to ask at least twenty people out on a date during their lunch hour. Oh, I also fine them large amounts of money if heaven forbid, they fail to provide evidence that they have indeed completed their action steps in time for our next coaching session.

Now, considering I am an expert in the self development field, people are often deluded into thinking that I am an expert in handling my own life and I easily and effortlessly, handle any crises, trauma or life's little lessons that the universe decides to offer me.

This blog will dispel this myth and expose the shameful truth. The truth being that I am in fact, just as neurotic, insecure, unmotivated and bitter and twisted as everyone else.

More to follow later..............