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Sunday, December 4, 2011

Are you Scared to Change?

When I meet my clients for the first time, the majority of people actually know deep down what they SHOULD be doing, but they are not moving forward due to fear of what COULD happen. We often fear the worst if we change a habit or behavour fearing that other people won't like it or that we won't be able to handle the outcome. In addition, I often hear people say that they tried to do something different, but then were over come with guilt or a feeling of uncomfortable so they reverted back to the old behaviour again as it just felt easier!


When we change a behaviour, it is going to feel uncomfortable. This is not because it is wrong to do it, it is simply down to the fact that whenever we try something new, then it is always going to feel different or uncomfortable. Many of us build up the courage to do something different and then give up the moment it starts to feel uncomfortable. So what is this feeling - it is only fear! My advice would be to not fear feeling uncomfortable because it means things are changing for the better and you are releasing old patterns and negative behaviour. It is so normal to feel fear when things are different but don't back down at the last minute because you are unwilling to sit with that uncomfortable feeling for a while. Sit with it and praise yourself for doing something new!


For example - One of my clients had a friend in her life who was always asking her for money and despite promises, never paid it back in full. My client continued to lend her friend money as she didn't want to hurt her by saying NO. After a coaching session with me, I explained that by accepting this behaviour, she was disrespecting herself and her hard earned cash. So, the next time her friend requested to borrow some cash, my client stood her ground and refused her request. She felt good about it for a few hours, and then started to feel uncomfortable as this was a new behaviour for her! She started to worry that her friend wouoldn't speak to her anymore or that she was a bad friend. Due to this, she then called her friend up, offering to lend her even more money than she had requested!


So can you see how the uncomfortable feelings led her to back down and go back to the old behaviour with the result that my client later just felt angry with herself and resentful towards her friend?


So, I ask you to enjoy feeling uncomfortable, praise yourself for changing a habit and learn to sit with those uncomfortable for as long as it takes. Celebrate your new behaviour and your willingness to change!



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