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Friday, February 19, 2010

Assertiveness Naughty or Nice?

THE BAD NEWS ………………I USED to be a NICE girl.

One of the disadvantages of being a nice girl is that you often allow people treat you like a bloody doormat. You also end up exhausted or resentful as you spend the majority of your time placing everyone else’s needs before your own. As a nice girl, I have also sold my soul on several occasions in order to gain love and approval and would suffer trolley loads of toxic guilt if I, heaven forbid, inadvertently upset another human being.



Being nice is a very expensive habit. Some of the more designer ‘nice’ items I have purchased include:

1) 5 years in an abusive relationship


2) 6 months of stress while being bullied at work by a mad psychopath


3) Ripped off and taken advantage of by people


4) I have also been ‘stalked’ by 4 different men over the years, none of which I ever told to bugger off! (nice girls don’t upset anyone remember!)



This doesn’t include the times I have agreed to do things I didn’t really want to do, failed to honour my own feelings and emotions and generally carried on living my life with the firm conviction that everybody else’s needs and opinions were faaaaaaaaaaaaaar more important than my own.
THE GOOD NEWS……The universe has decided (along with some assistance from nicotine withdrawals) that it is time for me to own my nasty (and not so nice) assertive side.



This NEW ME started to manifest about Christmas time 2009 and, within a few weeks, it had really had become a tad feisty!


It’s work has included:



1) Arguments with three friends and four family members



2) Informing at least 5 people that I didn’t appreciate the way they spoke to me (one of which is still giving me the cold shoulder)


3) Complaining in 3 different shops / restaurants about poor service or products


4) Informing one male colleague that if he continued to call me at 6am, I would personally rip his balls off.



Don’t get me wrong, entertaining this assertive part in my body was really quite SCARY. Let’s face facts, I didn’t actually invite this part to visit after all. In fact, when it first came to stay I tried everything in my power to send it away – I even offered it a free cruise in the Caribbean. I didn’t like this assertive side. It just wasn’t me. I didn’t like the way it made me feel. Having it around make me feel VERY uncomfortable.
AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH PANIC - What if people didn’t think I was NICE anymore?




2 months on however, I am glad to say that things are looking quite different. I have become rather fond of this feisty little part and there is NO WAY I am going back to being that nice girl! I am now quite happy to balance both the bitch and the nice!



Tapping into this super duper action part has allowed me to:



1) Inform others how I would like them to treat me



2) Speak up when people insult me or overstep my boundaries



3) Let other people know what is both acceptable and not acceptable to me



4) Release people from my life who no longer support me or add to my positive energy



5) Feel safe in the fact that I can indeed, take good care of myself; and



6) Honour my own feelings and emotions.



So, to all you NICE PEOPLE out there who may be suffering with the DISEASE TO PLEASE, try inviting your very own little assertive side to visit. Although it feels a bit strange at first, I guarantee that you will invite it to stay! I promise, people won’t love you any less but they will respect you more! And those who don’t, let them go.

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