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Sunday, December 2, 2012

Single? Make Sure You Love Yourself!

We have all heard that old adage ‘ You have to love yourself first before you find love’ but how do you keep on loving yourself and keeping your self esteem high when you have been long term single or perhaps suffering from relationship trauma?  

One of my best relationship tips is to remember is that life is a mirror – and nowhere is this more obvious than in relationships! Do you find yourself in relationships where your partner doesn’t respect you or perhaps fails to show you the kindness and love you deserve? If so – pay attention as that could very be a mirror of your own relationship with yourself. How can you expect someone to love and respect you if you don’t respect yourself or you are constantly beating yourself up with a big stick?

In this blog, I am going to share with you my top tips for raising your self esteem. In doing these steps you will start to feel more deserving and worthy on the inside – now what a great mirror that is to send out to the outside world! If you think you haven’t got the time or maybe you believe you are too busy, then think again! Many of these will only take a few minutes of your time or can be done when you are in the shower or perhaps brushing your teeth each morning.

Remember, surely you are worth a few minutes of your own time?

1) Smile at yourself each morning in the mirror. Make sure it’s a big cheesy grin! You are wonderful remember, whether you are in a relationship or not!

2) Write a list of things that you like about yourself and your positive qualities. These could be the fact you are loving, helpful, creative, or the fact that you get things done on time. Make sure you write down at least twenty! Remember, if are kind and loving to yourself, people will be kind and loving to you. If you abuse yourself with harsh words, then watch out, you may just invite a bully into your life.

3) Each day affirm to yourself ( at least ten times if you can!) ‘ My self esteem is growing every day’ and ‘ I am a valuable, loveable person and I deserve the very best’

4) Quit comparing yourself to others. Remind yourself that there will always be some people who have more than you, and some people who have less. Comparing yourself to others will NOT make you feel good about yourself.

5) Accept compliments gratefully. The next time somebody says something nice about you, take time to write it down or spend a few moments thinking about how nice it felt.

6) Remind yourself that you are HUMAN. Quit beating yourself up for not being perfect. Vow each day to praise yourself, not criticize yourself. This takes practise but even if you stop yourself from criticising yourself just once then you are making great progress.

7) If you are surrounded by negative people or energy vampires, this will make you feel bad about yourself and will lower your self esteem. However, if you surround yourself with positive and supportive people you will feel better about yourself and this will raise your self esteem.
8) Each night before you go to bed, think about ( or write down if you wish) five successful things you have done that day. This could be as simple as getting to work on time, helping a friend or cooking a healthy dinner.

9) Set yourself a mini goal to complete each week. This could be anything from speaking to a stranger to putting a new boundary in place. One of the best ways to increase yours self esteem is to take action – you will feel great about yourself when you do!

10) Be true to yourself. Make sure you are living your own life and not the life someone else wishes you live. If you feel nervous about standing up for yourself etc, make this one of your mini goals. You won’t develop self esteem if you sit on the sidelines and don’t push yourself to take risks and new challenges.
Remember, we are all capable of increasing our self esteem with just a little bit of effort. You will also start to take more risks and be less concerned with making a fool of yourself or failing. Remember, confidence is the sexiest trait!

Go for it – you deserve it!


Lisa

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

He is just not into you.........

For someone who has been coaching for over ten years, you would think that I would have got the hang of trusting one's gut on a daily basis.   I do choose to follow it the majority of the time and truly believe that your body really is the best compass.  Believe me, I have been burned quite a few times when I have chosen to by pass my intuition and put my head in the sand hoping that everything will be ok in the end.  Gotta love a bit of denial sometimes eh?

However, i seem to have a total blind spot when it comes to truly following my gut when it comes to bloody men.    Why is it that as women ( ok, I am generalising here after just watching ' He is just not into you' ) we come up with justifications, excuses and explanations for the poor behaviour of our partners or 'would be' partners?




Why do we find it just so difficult to follow our guts, admit ' he is just not into you' and put our own needs, feelings and wants first in a relationship? ( Again, I am assuming due to the millions of relationship self help books around that I am not the only girl in the universe with this issue!)

I thought I had the ' Red Flags' sussed.  After being in an abusive relationship for over  5 years,  I thought I truly knew all the signs and when to walk away with dignity.   To be honest, this has served me well in the past as I know it was a loving thing to walk away from ( in the words of Bridget Jones) - any sort of addict, emotionally unavailable man  or one with a relationship phobia!

But hey, along comes exactly the sort of person who has red flags splashed all over them and starts my heart thumping.  DANGEROUS.   So, what do I do instead of walking away immediately, I come up with every blinking excuse in the book including ' It will just be some fun'  or ' I know what I am getting into - I will be relaxed about the whole' thing. NOT.

So much for feeling relaxed, I feel off balance and slightly mental!  Mind you, it did have to laugh at myself when explaining to a friend ' He doesn't mean it,.......it's just not like that......OMG GIVE IT UP LISA AND LET IT GO!

So, just for myself or any other dillusional women ( or men out there) let me remind you:


I am going to pin this on my wall as a reminder.  To be continued..........









Friday, October 26, 2012

Swallowing Your Anger


How do you react if someone over steps your boundaries or makes an inappropriate comment towards you? Do you feel anxious or awkward?

Your body is a great compass and will usually highlight in some way, that you are being faced with inappropriate behaviour and that you may need to take some action towards the person who has made the snide remark, or an unsolicited criticism towards you.

Most of us however, choose to ignore our bodies and usually are so shocked by someone's poor behaviour that we fail to address it. We swallow our anger and feelings down and suppress our feelings. We also get shocked into silence and then end up giving ourselves a hard time for not answering back or saying something.





If someone is nasty or rude towards us, we often question ourselves or tell ourselves we are being too sensitive. We fail to honour our feelings and give other people permission to treat us badly. Regardless of why we do this, it is expensive to swallow your anger. Doing this will eat away at your self esteem and will often lead you feeling resentful and hurt.

Many people feel really uncomfortable in speaking up, especially when in the past, they may have been taught that keeping your mouth shut was in fact a safer option. Others fail to speak up because they fear the other person will think badly of them or they may end up hurting their feelings. Well what about your own feelings? If you are too sensitive to other people's feelings, you are actually being insensitive to your own. In fact, standing up for yourself and using you voice is a great way to empower yourself and show other people how you deserve to be treated.

Try this process the next time you are faced with rude or inappropriate comments or behaviours:

1) Take a breath and acknowledge what happened and how your body is feeling. If you would rather walk away and let the ball go out of play then do so. You may wish to say ' I am sorry, this doesn't work for me so I am choosing to walk away from you'

2) If you decide to address the behaviour ( yes, it will feel scary but I promise you, it will make you feel powerful afterwards!) then try the following statements:

' I need you to know that I am not comfortable with you speak to me like that, I would like you to stop' or ' I am not willing to talk about that with you'

3) Don't get judgemental or try to explain yourself. Short and firm statements are best. Express your feelings and state what you would like to happen.

4) If someone continues to treat you like this, it is acceptable to just walk away from the relationship.

When you begin to stand up for yourself, it is going to feel strange and uncomfortable. You may be tempted to even apologise to the person who was rude to you! However, with practise, things will get easier. Yes, you may make mistakes but it is all part of the learning process. Remember, nobody has the right to dump their bad moods, stress or anger on you. The goal is to speak up rather than swallowing your anger.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Goal Setting for Weight Loss


Goal Setting for Weight Loss

Many people groan when they hear the word ‘Goal Setting’ as it seems a unnecessary and dull process.  I am going to share with you a fun, inspiration goal setting process which will keep you motivated and help you stay on track towards your weight loss goal.  Setting a goal for weight loss is really important and will increase your chances of long term success and will also assist keeping you on track on a daily basis.  It is also a process, you may be glad to hear, which involves sitting down for 30 minutes and no rigorous exercise!

Ready?   Pick up a pen and make yourself comfortable. 

Step 1 -Write down what you are NOT happy with when it comes to your current weight / exercise / eating habits.

Example:  Overweight, lack of motivation to exercise, clothes too tight, insufficient time / energy to exercise, eating too much junk food, eating between meals; find it difficult to stick to your weight loss program.

 Step 2 – Write down how you REALLY would like things to be!  Don’t hold back – Go for    your perfect outcome!

Example:  Lose 7lbs easily, feel motivated to exercise, find it easy to eat healthy meals, feeling great inside and out, look and feel fabulous and sexy.
 
 
 
 
 

 Step 3: Set a realistic date for when you want to achieve your goal.

 

 Step 4:  Write a goal using positive language and make it exciting!  Try to be as specific as you can by including your target weight and   desired weight loss amount. 

 

Example:   It is January 1st 2013 and I am so happy now that I have achieved my target goal weight of 11 stone.   I found really easy to lose weight and I love the way I now look and feel.  I have plenty of energy and time in my day to exercise and enjoy working out at least 3 times a week for a minimum of 40 minutes.  I feel so confident and I love looking at myself in the mirror admiring my new body shape.  I find it so easy to both cook and eat healthy meals.   I look and feel fantastic!  

 

Step 4 - Visualise! 

 

When you have written your goal, take time to visualise.  Sit quietly and imagine how your life is now that you have achieved your goal. How do you look and feel?  See yourself with a big happy smile on your face feeling so happy that you have achieved your desired weight.  

 

Step 5 – Read your goal every day

 

Try laminating your goal and placing it in the shower where you can read it at least once a day.  The more you read it, the more you will achieve it.

 

Step 6 – Use positive thoughts. 

 

Try repeating the following statements first thing in the morning or while you are working out.  Repeated positive statement will help dispel any negative thoughts you have about yourself and will support the achievement of your goals.

·    I deserve to achieve my goal and I accept it now

·    I find it easy to exercise three times a week

·    I am my perfect weight

·    I can do it!

·    I am relaxed and stress free

Happy Goal Setting!

 

Lisa

 

Ps Do you want to know more about goal setting for other areas of your life including finances, career, confidence or relationships?  If so, don’t forget to check out my Amazing Coaching eBook at http://www.amazingcoaching.com.au/diy-ebook.html.
 
 
 

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Quick Tips to Boost YOUR Self Esteem


Quick Tips to Boost YOUR Self Esteem.

So be honest …..How are you going with your action steps?  If you haven’t started yet, it is never too late!  Have a quick look at my previous blog posts and get started today!  Come on, if you don’t do it now, when will you do it? (I know, I am a bit of a nag).

In today’s blog, I am going to share with you my top tips for raising your self-esteem. I have been using these tips in my coaching business for years ( www.amazingcoaching.com.au) , and despite the fact that you may think a few of them are rather strange, they do work! 
 
 
 
 

The good news is that by practicing these simple steps you will start to feel more deserving and worthy on the inside – now what a great mirror that is to send out to the outside world.   If you think you haven’t got the time or maybe you believe you are too busy, then think again. Many of these will only take a few minutes of your time or can be done when you are in the shower or perhaps brushing your teeth each morning.   No excuses remember!

Remember, surely you are worth a few minutes of your own time?

1) Smile at yourself each morning in the mirror. Make sure it’s a big cheesy grin! You are wonderful remember so give yourself some praise.

2) Write a list of things that you like about yourself and your positive qualities. These could be the fact you are loving, helpful, creative, or the fact that you get things done on time. Make sure you write down at least twenty.  Remember, if are kind and loving to yourself, people will be kind and loving to you. If you abuse yourself with harsh words, then watch out, you may just invite a bully into your life.

3) Each day affirm to yourself (at least ten times if you can) ‘My self-esteem is growing every day’ and ‘I am a valuable, loveable person and I deserve the very best’

4) Quit comparing yourself to others. Remind yourself that there will always be some people who have more than you, and some people who have less. Comparing yourself to others will NOT make you feel good about yourself.

5) Accept compliments gratefully. The next time somebody says something nice about you, take time to write it down or spend a few moments thinking about how nice it felt.

6) Remind yourself that you are HUMAN. Quit beating yourself up for not being perfect. Vow each day to praise yourself, not criticize yourself.  This takes practice but even if you stop yourself from criticising yourself just once then you are making great progress.

7) If you are surrounded by negative people or energy vampires, this will make you feel bad about yourself and will lower your self-esteem. However, if you surround yourself with positive and supportive people you will feel better about yourself and this will raise your self-esteem.

8) Each night before you go to bed, think about (or write down if you wish) five successful things you have done that day. This could be as simple as getting to work on time, helping a friend or cooking a healthy dinner.

9) Set yourself a mini goal to complete each week. This could be anything from speaking to a stranger to putting a new boundary in place. One of the best ways to increase yours self-esteem is to take action – you will feel great about yourself when you do!

10) Be true to yourself. Make sure you are living your own life and not the life someone else wishes you live. If you feel nervous about standing up for yourself make this one of your mini goals. You won’t develop self-esteem if you sit on the sidelines and don’t push yourself to take risks and new challenges.

Remember, we are all capable of increasing our self-esteem with just a little bit of effort.

Go for it – you deserve it!

With love

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Learning to say NO!

Welcome back to my three-part blog on Being Nice to Yourself!

How did you go with last week’s blogs action steps?
Remember, beating yourself up can be a bit of a bad habit so it takes patience and perseverance to make a lasting change. Never give up on yourself! Just taking little steps every day is the best way to build up that self-esteem muscle. One of my favorite sayings is ‘If you don’t feel like doing it, do it anyway’.

Today, we are going to focus on Learning to Say No to other people. This is also a great way to look after yourself!

When asked to do something, most people would rather just say ‘Yes’ for an easy life, rather than speaking the truth with a calm confident No.

We often feel fearful that saying NO will end up in further confrontation or explanation.
However, if you are one of life people pleasers with the disease to please, then chances are you will end up feeling resentful and walked all over.



Think about a time when you agreed to do something you really didn’t want to do. Did you feel angry toward the person who had asked you? Did you feel angry with yourself or manipulated? Well if so, it is time to feel good about learning to say no.

Learning to say No can be scary and it will take a bit of courage and practise. However, in time you will start to feel more comfortable with the new assertive you! In addition, as you learn to respect yourself and your emotions, people will soon learn to start treating you with more respect as well.
But how do you break this people pleasing habit?

We need to face facts, there are some people in the world who will make us feel uncomfortable, sad, upset or afraid. They could be:
1) The bullying boss
2) The friend who lets us down all the time
3) The ex-partner
4) The scary family member
We often feel nervous around these people but often wish we could learn to stand up for ourselves and say, what we really would like to say. Usually, we end up saying nothing and the pattern continues as people just keep on walking all over us and we continue to feel resentful.
The key is to find some courage and learn some assertiveness techniques. This does not mean screaming at someone else – it just means calmly stating your needs and perhaps creating a situation, which gives you want you want without being aggressive.

Here are a few examples:
• Your boss keeps asking you to stay late and do extra work for him. These things are not really in your job description.
Good response.
I actually have a lot on now. Could you ask????????? …to do this instead? I am struggling to get everything done in my day.
• A friend of yours wants you to help her move house but you are really tired and need a weekend to catch up on study
Good Response
I would really like to help you, but I am sure you understand how busy I have been recently. Therefore, can you ask someone else? I really need to look after myself right now.

Action Step:
Set yourself a task this week to say NO – when you would normally say YES. Remember to encourage and sooth yourself if you feel nervous.
If you feel you would like more support, why not sign up to my free newsletter at http://www.amazingcoaching.com,au.au
Go on, you can do it!
Have a great week and speak soon – Lisa

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Be Nice to Yourself


Hello everyone and I am back from my wondeful holiday and looking forward to sharing my blog with you toay as it is all about Learning to Be Nice to Ourselves.  At the end of the blog I am going to set you some simple action steps to do. So if you want to build up your self-esteem muscle, then why not commit to giving them a go?
If you want some support on your journey, you can also join my Facebook community at www.facebook.com/#!/AmazingCoaching

So let’s get started:
Isn’t it interesting that often we have more patience and kindness towards strangers that we do to ourselves? I am sure you would never speak to other people the way that you speak to yourself?
Most of us don’t even realise when we beat ourselves up with a big stick, putting ourselves down, cringing when we look in the mirror or telling ourselves that there is something wrong with us. We often spend far too much time comparing ourselves to other people thinking we are ‘ Not good enough’ The sad thing is that many of us are so used to treating ourselves this way that we don’t know any different. It is really just a bad habit.
The fact is, we rarely praise ourselves for our achievements or speak lovingly to ourselves on a daily basis.
 
 

Get honest with yourself – Do you treat your friends better than you treat yourself?
When is the last time you spoke encouraging to yourself or soothed yourself when you were upset or sad? When did you last give yourself a pat on the back or told yourself what a blooming fabulous person you really are?
Learning to treat yourself with love and respect is the highest gift you can give yourself. Surely you deserve your own love?
Ok, here are few of my favorite action steps for learning to be your own best friend. You don’t have to do them all, just pick one and commit to doing it for at least 30 days. No excuses! As a Life Coach for 10 years, I have heard them all! So, what are you waiting for, get on with it!

Action Steps
• Every morning, commit to treating yourself with patience and kindness. If you can just say a few nice encouraging things to yourself every day then this will start to build up that self-esteem muscle.
• Each evening, write down ten nice things about yourself. Yes 10. No excuses, You can do it and you are worth it.
• Praise yourself every time you look in the mirror. Even a ‘Well done’ for a good day at work is sufficient!
• Treat yourself like you would a five year old child. Give yourself compassion and encouragement. Feeling scared about something? Soothe yourself and tell yourself you will be ok and you will handle it. Who cares if you didn’t get it right first time? Give yourself a break for not being perfect
Have a fabulous week and be nice to yourself!
Lisa
ps  Did you know I have a new book out on how to love yourself enough to heal yourself from toxic relationships and emotional abuse?  To find out more click here http://www.amazingcoaching.com.au/abuse-ebook.html